"In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore's ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental proces is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month, our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its stock by eleminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores."
While it may be true that the decreasing amount of stock available will increase the overall profit of the Movie Galore, the argument fails to make a cogent case for it. It is easy to understand the store doesn't want to increase their price in order to maintain its reputation for offering the movies at low prices, the argument about getting rid of the old movies is rife with holes and assumptions. It is less likely to persuade the reader.
The author is citing the results of the new policy implemented in the downtown Marston store. The store significantly decreased the stock of the old movies. As consequence of this step, it was able to increase the profit. However, the author has not specified why this step lead to an increament in profits. One must ask, to what extent, the store's location played a part here. If the other nine store are situated in localities that function differenly from the downtown Marston, the decrement in the old stock is less likely to work.
Building up on the implication of maintaining the low rates of the movies, the author argues that the this step will help the owner in maintaintg its reputations. However, the author has not mentioned prices of the other video rental operating in the area. The comparison between Movies Galore and other store will reveal that, by what amount on an average, the other stores are charging more. If the difference is significant, the Movies Galore owner can consider increasing the price such it remains lower than other stores and still boast of providing the movies at the lowest price.
Additionally, the author has used one month of data to conclude that the store in downtown Marston has increased its profit by getting rid of the old stock. It is not clear, however, that the amount of data collected is sufficient. There may be other facotors, such as summer vacation or more public holidays within the month would have led people to rent more movies, and temporary increase in the profit of the Movies Galore. One must ask, is the decrement of the stock was the only factor changed during this month? If no, impelneatation of the new policy is less likely to work.
The argument fails to reveal whether the decrement in the amount of stock was the only factor that increased the profit of the store in downstore. With added details such as the month of the year, exact prices, and nature of the locality is more likely to make the argument work.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: However, the author has not specified why this step lead to an increament in profits.
Error: increament Suggestion: increment
Sentence: If the other nine store are situated in localities that function differenly from the downtown Marston, the decrement in the old stock is less likely to work.
Error: differenly Suggestion: differently
Sentence: Building up on the implication of maintaining the low rates of the movies, the author argues that the this step will help the owner in maintaintg its reputations.
Error: maintaintg Suggestion: maintain
Sentence: There may be other facotors, such as summer vacation or more public holidays within the month would have led people to rent more movies, and temporary increase in the profit of the Movies Galore.
Error: facotors Suggestion: factors
Error: may Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: summer Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: If no, impelneatation of the new policy is less likely to work.
Error: impelneatation Suggestion: implementation
Sentence: The argument fails to reveal whether the decrement in the amount of stock was the only factor that increased the profit of the store in downstore.
Error: downstore Suggestion: No alternate word
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 428 350
No. of Characters: 1962 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.548 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.584 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.406 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.189 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.45 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.53 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.063 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 206, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... it. It is easy to understand the store doesnt want to increase their price in order t...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 343, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'stores'' or 'store's'?
Suggestion: stores'; store's
...fits. One must ask, to what extent, the stores location played a part here. If the oth...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 99, Rule ID: DT_DT[2]
Message: Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only 'the' or 'this' is left.
Suggestion: the; this
...s of the movies, the author argues that the this step will help the owner in maintaintg ...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
however, if, may, so, still, while, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2020.0 2260.96107784 89% => OK
No of words: 427.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 4.73067915691 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54576487731 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.47402135478 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 191.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.447306791569 0.468620217663 95% => OK
syllable_count: 631.8 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.4885463697 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.0 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.35 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.15 5.70786347227 38% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0644609768244 0.218282227539 30% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0209379826856 0.0743258471296 28% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.030151480099 0.0701772020484 43% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0374877003651 0.128457276422 29% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0304769043113 0.0628817314937 48% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.15 12.5979740519 81% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.97 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 89.0 98.500998004 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.