Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
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Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
From the above prompt, the author concludes that Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child because they have the most intensive program, their teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world and many of their students later became professional dancers. However, these conclusions are unwarranted due to the following three reasons.
Firstly, does being able to dance in prestigious ballet companies mean directly that one can teach the kids to become good dancers? Even though the teachers have danced in the most prestigious companies, they may not necessarily be able to teach the kids to know how to dance as well as expected. Perhaps, the teachers were only good as an athlete but not as teachers, perhaps the teachers stop practicing the 'art' themselves after they started teaching.
Secondly, is the intensity of the program commensurate for all the kids? Considering the fact that learning ability varies from individual to individual. Maybe, the school was fortunate to have a high number of students with high attention span and are able to withstand the intensity of the programs in previous years. Intensive programs which could assist students to become adept in any field could simultaneously have adverse negative effects on the some students, especially those with little attention span.
Lastly, is there any evidence that the students from Pirouettes Ballet School who became professional dancers with top dance companies did not enroll in another program to hone their dancing skill? Although, it is possible that Pirouettes Ballet School have given the students the requisite knowledge required to understand and practice the basics of the ballet dance, perhaps many of those who became professional enrolled in another program which assisted them to later become professional dancers. Perhaps, they had natural interest in the ballet dance and took out the time to further learn the 'art' on their own which ultimately assisted them to become professionals in the field.
While it is possible that Pirouettes Ballet School might be a clear choice for any child, the conclusion made by the author is flawed based on the above mentioned assumptions and therefore, the assumptions can not hold any water as to supporting the conclusion made by the author.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 372 350
No. of Characters: 1915 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.392 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.148 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.65 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.615 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.382 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.361 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.649 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.134 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... due to the following three reasons. Firstly, does being able to dance in pre...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...selves after they started teaching. Secondly, is the intensity of the progra...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 460, Rule ID: THE_SOME_DAY[1]
Message: Did you mean 'same'?
Suggestion: same
...ly have adverse negative effects on the some students, especially those with little ...
^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ly those with little attention span. Lastly, is there any evidence that the s...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...o become professionals in the field. While it is possible that Pirouettes Bal...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, however, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, therefore, well, while, as for, as to, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 55.5748502994 86% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 16.3942115768 18% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1960.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 372.0 441.139720559 84% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.2688172043 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39173103935 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70951740439 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 184.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.494623655914 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 593.1 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 76.2867527101 57.8364921388 132% => OK
Chars per sentence: 150.769230769 119.503703932 126% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.6153846154 23.324526521 123% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.76923076923 5.70786347227 154% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.472227449048 0.218282227539 216% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.154384606658 0.0743258471296 208% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.148337981409 0.0701772020484 211% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.259834520917 0.128457276422 202% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.140031728363 0.0628817314937 223% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.7 14.3799401198 123% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.06 48.3550499002 89% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.88 12.5979740519 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.42 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 80.0 98.500998004 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.