The Editor of this scientific journal claims that the study in which eighteen rhesus monkeys were examined provides a picture as to how birth order is directly related to an individual’s level of stimulation. As per the study, the firstborn monkeys produced double the amount of cortisol hormone than their younger siblings in stimulating conditions which are responsible for increased activity levels in their bodies. Also, the study claims that a similar trend is observed in firstborn humans who tend to have higher levels of cortisol than their siblings in stimulating situations. Another demonstration made by the study is in the context of the mother monkeys. It states that the first time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than the ones who have had a chance to be a mother before. Although the argument brings forward a lot of considerable points, there are certain alternative queries which need to be addressed before any such conclusions can be drawn from the argument above. Let’s discuss them in detail.
The study was done over a total of eighteen rhesus monkeys. The argument fails to demonstrate what was the exact number of mother monkeys, first born monkeys and other monkeys with a different birth order. It is important to know the proportion of first-born monkeys before drawing conclusions about their behavioral patterns. Also, the study was conducted only on rhesus monkeys, what about the other species, do other species of the monkey race too have the same implications? The study discusses the cortisol content for first-born monkeys, without shedding light on whether the comparison is done with the second-born monkeys or any other birth order? And what is the trend in the levels of cortisol as one moves from one birth order to another?
Moving on, the study has put forward an unsatisfactory analogy between first-born monkeys and first born humans? How is this conclusion drawn? What were the parameters or common traits are taken into consideration when such an analogy was declared? Isn’t the functioning of a monkey’s body and a human body different in various aspects? Hence, clear demarcation of the characteristics is must to make such an argument.
Although the editor has given a fair shot in showcasing his idea about the study of the rhesus monkeys and their behavioral patterns in stimulating situations, the above argument is still far from a concrete conclusion. There is definitely a need to provide substantial explanation and a better understanding to the questions that have been raised above in contrast to argument claimed by the editor.
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not right on the point. Here goes a sample:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
--------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 425 350
No. of Characters: 2142 1500
No. of Different Words: 200 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.54 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.04 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.763 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 158 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.916 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.45 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.323 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.496 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 448, Rule ID: TOO_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'to have'?
Suggestion: to have
...es, do other species of the monkey race too have the same implications? The study discus...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 399, Rule ID: MUST_HAVE_TO[1]
Message: After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use 'must' or 'have to' here.
Suggestion: must; have to
...r demarcation of the characteristics is must to make such an argument. Although the...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, hence, if, second, so, still, as to, in contrast, in contrast to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 15.0 28.8173652695 52% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2208.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 424.0 441.139720559 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.20754716981 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53775939005 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89399382328 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 204.123752495 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.490566037736 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 682.2 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.9744679659 57.8364921388 99% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.4 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.2 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.85 5.70786347227 67% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.360589770086 0.218282227539 165% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.105891005814 0.0743258471296 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0801814702408 0.0701772020484 114% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.209064430035 0.128457276422 163% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0632058336235 0.0628817314937 101% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.94 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.55 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.