The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
I this recommendation the vice presidents made several claims to prevent employees from wasting time, improvements of office profit and make a good work morals in the office. Thus, to support that views he said that in office, they should imply a electronic monitoring systems over the office to enhance workers productivity and also this system can identify the workers who would engage in spending times in online games and any other recreational activities. Author also support the view of installing software which help to detect those workers in office.
Firstly, writer said that about electronic monitoring system which can improve their workers productivity in office but he has not mentioned any cogent idea about that if this applied system would bring success of productivity in any office so that we can believe on that and imply in our office. It is probable that, if electronic media is implied then it can hamper workers focus on their work. They might become not flexible and uneasy, unfriendly consequently it might bring negative effects on their work rather than improve their productivity. So, authority should concern about implying that before imposing about any realistic statistical data.
Secondly, Vice president, also mentioned that if they would get any indication of using games and recreational activities over internet, then those engaged people would be punished. However, author have not mentioned how this punishment can bring productivity in workers in office. Without proper judgement we can not rely on that. It might happen that office workers take break to relax and they play online games chatting with their closed one to remove their exhaustion and bring productivity on their work. So, without having proper assurance we can not establish this type of rules in office.
Thirdly. Author said that installing a computer software which can monitor their office people and bring more productivity for workers. But he has not cleared and given any examples to rely on that, It might be possible that this type of software indicate as a suspicious activities over the workers and it make a weak connections between office owner and works relation. So, rater than improving productivity of office people, it might destroy the enhancement of works working inspiration.
In sum, vice president should show more constructive views to imply this system in office. Without having previous experiences of any example in any office, we should not rely on that system. Moreover, writer should clear some of the evidence of getting productivity on imposing monitoring electronic media in office and he should give cogent examples that how punishments on using internet games and other activities can bring productivity on office worker. Without having proper judgement of them, we can not support the vice presidents suggestions.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 12 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 455 350
No. of Characters: 2359 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.619 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.185 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.684 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 182 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.637 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.36 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.36 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.159 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 154, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'moral'?
Suggestion: moral
...s of office profit and make a good work morals in the office. Thus, to support that vi...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 246, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... said that in office, they should imply a electronic monitoring systems over the ...
^
Line 5, column 307, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'makes'?
Suggestion: makes
...ious activities over the workers and it make a weak connections between office owner...
^^^^
Line 5, column 319, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'connection'?
Suggestion: connection
...ies over the workers and it make a weak connections between office owner and works relation...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 222, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...t system. Moreover, writer should clear some of the evidence of getting productivity on imp...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, firstly, however, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 4.0 19.6327345309 20% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 25.0 12.9520958084 193% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 56.0 28.8173652695 194% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2410.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 455.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.2967032967 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61852021839 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72785769123 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.435164835165 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 765.9 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 0.0 8.76447105788 0% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.8881094271 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.842105263 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.9473684211 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.89473684211 5.70786347227 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.179804478715 0.218282227539 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0659681736709 0.0743258471296 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0474921607689 0.0701772020484 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.116727058597 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0457543439273 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.3550499002 82% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.76 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.35 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 98.500998004 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.