The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition
The author asserts that the best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in many fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition. While this claim seems to make sense, I must point out that competition is also a very important way to help develop leadership among young people, and therefore, should also take place is a society.
First, a lot of the achievements we have accomplished so far, as a society, result from competition. Technological development and upgrades of consumer products, for example, benefits from scientists, designers, and engineers competing with one another to attract consumers, leading to innovations. It was fierce competition in the mobile phone market that allowed Apple, the newcomer in the phone market, to revolutionize the way we interact with our phones by introducing its innovative iPhone. If there was not competition in the market, and companies collude with one another, newcomers to the mobile phone market, like Apple, may not succeed. Similarly, when it comes to educating a society's young people, competition is desired to facilitate development of skills and rapid growth among young leaders.
Admittedly, a balanced combination of cooperation and competition would be best suitable for preparing young people for leadership in the society. While competition is generally a good thing, cooperation is also desireble because there are many difficult accomplished that can only be achieved by groups of people working together. If a society wants a group of successful young leaders, it should not neglect either competition or cooperation.
In sum, I disagree with the author's claim that cooperation should be preferred over competition. I think both of them should play an important role if a society trully wants to raise young leaders in a reasonable way.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 73, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[4]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'be the best'.
Suggestion: be the best
...on of cooperation and competition would be best suitable for preparing young people for...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 198, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a reasonable way" with adverb for "reasonable"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...ety trully wants to raise young leaders in a reasonable way.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, if, may, similarly, so, still, therefore, while, for example, i think
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.5258426966 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.4196629213 64% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 14.8657303371 47% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 6.0 11.3162921348 53% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 33.0505617978 57% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 58.6224719101 70% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 12.9106741573 139% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1564.0 2235.4752809 70% => OK
No of words: 294.0 442.535393258 66% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.31972789116 5.05705443957 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.14082457966 4.55969084622 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.10427029323 2.79657885939 111% => OK
Unique words: 162.0 215.323595506 75% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.551020408163 0.4932671777 112% => OK
syllable_count: 495.9 704.065955056 70% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 6.24550561798 80% => OK
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.10617977528 193% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.77640449438 169% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.38483146067 68% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 20.2370786517 59% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 23.0359550562 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 36.8687612425 60.3974514979 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.333333333 118.986275619 110% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.5 23.4991977007 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.83333333333 5.21951772744 131% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 10.2758426966 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 5.13820224719 39% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.83258426966 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.388659286111 0.243740707755 159% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.142939469891 0.0831039109588 172% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.173197105483 0.0758088955206 228% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.243182454049 0.150359130593 162% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.139616149888 0.0667264976115 209% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.9 14.1392134831 112% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 38.66 48.8420337079 79% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.92365168539 141% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.1743820225 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.87 12.1639044944 114% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.02 8.38706741573 108% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 100.480337079 78% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 11.8971910112 122% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.2143820225 103% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.7820224719 119% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.