The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

Essay topics:

The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

Is it true that the best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition, as the writer contends? Some people may believe that competition would induce big gaps among people and thus make a barrier that is difficult to pass over. I agree with this viewpoint because once certain people are not good at their field, they would have hard times to overcome the gap and get leadership under competitive society. However, to get ahead of the curve in this highly competitive society, leaders have to know how to take initiatives in their field. The only way to teach this is to instill in them a sense of competition. However, as I already discussed in the foregoing argument, the competition must not be incomparably regarded as the highest value. The leadership can be effectively improved when young people compete for their goals while cooperating with others around.

Take a former president of my country. The former president No, was the icon of cooperation. He was the first president who widely opened the right to speak about and criticize his government. He never made any decisions without consents of opposition parties. Koreans would not be able to make petitions or protests freely had he not allowed public criticism. Now he is highly recognized as the father of Korea's democracy and many people still respect him. However, his temperate attitude to the opposition parties definitely inhibited him from proceeding his policies. Here, I could find the reason why leaders should know how to get ahead of the curve in competitions because the cooperation would make good conditions to talk but if there is no competition, the talk would not stop.

However, it would be detrimental if leaders highly focused on competition only. The other example is the president of North Korea. He is well known as an adamant dictator who has never cared about his people. What he knows is just how to compete with countries around. He might have made competency in this world by making nuclear weapons but he has lost faith from many countries. Now many nations must take care of his mood to stop him in a peaceful way, but it does not mean that his way to lead his country was the most effective. If he had had an attitude to solve his and his country's problem using conversation, the situation must not have exacerbated in this way.

I think leaders should know how to compete and win in a highly competitive world for his people but the leaders should also know how to cooperate with other groups because the best way to break through is sometimes to cooperate. This is why I partially disagree with the writer's statement. If leaders in this world compete while taking into account the condition of their opponents, that is cooperation, the world will develop effectively without making side effects.

Votes
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 439, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a peaceful way" with adverb for "peaceful"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
... must take care of his mood to stop him in a peaceful way, but it does not mean that his way to l...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 273, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...is is why I partially disagree with the writers statement. If leaders in this world com...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, still, thus, well, while, i think

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.5258426966 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.4196629213 137% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 14.8657303371 74% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 11.3162921348 71% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 51.0 33.0505617978 154% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 65.0 58.6224719101 111% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 12.9106741573 139% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2391.0 2235.4752809 107% => OK
No of words: 493.0 442.535393258 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.84989858012 5.05705443957 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71206996034 4.55969084622 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69512292283 2.79657885939 96% => OK
Unique words: 243.0 215.323595506 113% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.492900608519 0.4932671777 100% => OK
syllable_count: 751.5 704.065955056 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 6.24550561798 192% => OK
Article: 8.0 4.99550561798 160% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.10617977528 129% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.38483146067 23% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.2370786517 124% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 23.0359550562 82% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 50.8191459983 60.3974514979 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.64 118.986275619 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.72 23.4991977007 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.92 5.21951772744 56% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 10.2758426966 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 5.13820224719 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.83258426966 83% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.234071542972 0.243740707755 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0684380025103 0.0831039109588 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.144783385351 0.0758088955206 191% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.143329115723 0.150359130593 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.149892462585 0.0667264976115 225% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.1392134831 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.8420337079 124% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.1743820225 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.85 12.1639044944 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.81 8.38706741573 93% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 100.480337079 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 11.8971910112 118% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.2143820225 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.7820224719 85% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.


Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.