"The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition."
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Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
Please help me improve this essay and if possible give me an idea of what score you would give it and why. Any and all help is very much appreciated so thank you in advance!
Many say that young people are the future. Therefore it follows that if the people of today want a bright future tomorrow, they should play a positive role in forming young people. Moreover they should mold young people to be leaders so that they can have larger scale impacts. They should instill in these leaders characteristics such as compassion, competitiveness, and cooperation. Both competitiveness and cooperation are integral characteristics of a leader and both traits need to be present for success.
In the United States government, cooperation is needed not only to work collaboratively on creating policy, but also because for the approbation of legislation once it is written. Without cooperation among parties given the setup of the United States electoral college it's possible that even the best legislation won't pass. Cooperation allows for the free flow of ideas and capabilities to make concessions and edits from diverse input, so that when legislation reaches the floor it has a better chance of passing. However, one could not succeed in government by cooperation alone. Competition in this case precedes the opportunity for cooperation. In order to win the a role in government by election competition is required, but it is important that once a role in government is obtained there is a balance of competitiveness and cooperation with an emphasis on cooperation.
Similarly in industry there must be competition and cooperation. Within a company cooperation is essential. More people collaborating on a product means more ideas and skillsets available for use. Additionally, different teams within a company need to cooperate as they are mutually dependent. Finance needs to get along with the people who make the product or there will be no product; contrarily, the people who make the product needs to get along with finance or they may get less funding. The competition component among industries exists between companies rather than within a single company. Companies have to compete for consumers and clients. For instance, examine recent trends in telecommunications; just 10 years ago a cell phone plan for a family of 4 was near $80, but now it is just $30. The emergence of new companies with lower prices has forced the prices down at all the companies. If AT&T still costed $80 but people could have the same service from T-Mobile for $30, AT&T would be out of business.
One could argue that there are leadership positions such as professional sports coaches in which only competitiveness is required or that in government there is only room for cooperation not competition. However even sports coaches must be cooperative with their own staff and player regardless of how competitive they are with other teams. Even government officials have to compete to win over the support of the public. Ultimately the best leaders have a balance between the two and are judicious when it comes to deciding when to use which.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 44, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...y say that young people are the future. Therefore it follows that if the people of today ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 182, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Moreover,
... positive role in forming young people. Moreover they should mold young people to be lea...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 666, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
...tunity for cooperation. In order to win the a role in government by election competi...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 702, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...win the a role in government by election competition is required, but it is impor...
^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Similarly,
...ion with an emphasis on cooperation. Similarly in industry there must be competition a...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 205, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...y room for cooperation not competition. However even sports coaches must be cooperative...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, moreover, similarly, so, still, therefore, as for, for instance, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.5258426966 118% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.4196629213 113% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 14.8657303371 121% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.3162921348 133% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 33.0505617978 76% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 58.6224719101 109% => OK
Nominalization: 34.0 12.9106741573 263% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2476.0 2235.4752809 111% => OK
No of words: 480.0 442.535393258 108% => OK
Chars per words: 5.15833333333 5.05705443957 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68069463864 4.55969084622 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.10979355781 2.79657885939 111% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 215.323595506 113% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.508333333333 0.4932671777 103% => OK
syllable_count: 787.5 704.065955056 112% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 6.24550561798 32% => OK
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.10617977528 64% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.77640449438 225% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.38483146067 114% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.2370786517 124% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 23.0359550562 82% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 51.025891467 60.3974514979 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.04 118.986275619 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2 23.4991977007 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.04 5.21951772744 77% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 7.80617977528 77% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 10.2758426966 107% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 5.13820224719 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.83258426966 207% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.228254697114 0.243740707755 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0639963624833 0.0831039109588 77% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0334321991545 0.0758088955206 44% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.137144969953 0.150359130593 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.025573930037 0.0667264976115 38% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.1392134831 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.8420337079 107% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.1743820225 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.1639044944 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.33 8.38706741573 99% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 100.480337079 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 11.8971910112 71% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.2143820225 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.7820224719 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.