The prompt:
"Sports stars & movie stars have an obligation to behave as role models for the young people who look up to them. In return for the millions of dollars that they are paid, we should expect them to fulfill this societal responsibility." -
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing & supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
The world that we live in has all kinds of role models; actors, sports players, singer, entrapreneurs, and even scientists. Pertaining to this, their "followers" also known as their fans have various expectations that have no limit whatsoever. Living up to these expectations at the cost of risking someone's health and well-being is not something i advocate to and hence, i disagree to the promt and argue that the stars should'nt be put to such a pressure to potray a certain image just to live up to the expectations of the people who like them and follow them.
First of all, while we talk about movie stars and sport stars, it is usually the young generation who follow them and have developed such a liking towards these stars that they want to know evert little details about them. Call it stalking, but adolescents have gone to great heights to follow these stars everywhere they go and also pay attention to everything they do. This could lead to an inconvenience from the actors side due to the feeling of "always being watched". Some actors love this fame and crave for such attention, eventhough it does not mean that there must be certain rules as to how they behave or live their lives. The fans who watch them tend to do the exact same things and go to the exact same places that these actors have visited.This also penetrates into their personal lifes- like having relationships or who they are related to. Knowing all these information is not somethign for public display but some paparazzi's report them in such a way that it take a tragic turn towards the fans who tend to become agressive to the other person involved with the actor. This risks so many lives and hence, i believe that these stars should be able to live however they want to instead of doing things according to their followers or fan.
Secondly, the world has made it stereotypical for people to not do things out of the box and stick to the " status quo " and so an actor cannot do anything else apart from acting because the "agency" is against it. The actors are not even allowed to go to places that might be of a lower standard than their because then the actor could be potrayed as something else in the press. Every move of a star is monitored and twisted in such a way that could ruin their reputation. For example, agencies in Korea who manage internationally known bands have made their rules so severe for any normal human to follow. Singers are not allowed to go without permision and reason; even to meet their own families, no star should be seen with some other star or even anybody outside the schedule.This could lead to distress in their fans and some even take steps like harming themeselves or the star. This does not only affect a person mentally but emotionally too. It is like a world of captivity for them. This is because the people following them do not want to hear anything bad about their "so perfect star". Hence, actors should be able to live normal lives just like others do.
Finally, the sports and Entertainment industry have seen such a progress in the past two decades that no other industry can be comapred to. And this has lead to so many changes in the overall perspective like management, security and privacy. A star cannot be seen going out for dinner with their friends or even go grocery shopping. Some have broken these taboos' but still they are very less as compared to the others. This is because of the overrated professional label given to these industries. With their every move turning into an unexpected scandal, even they feel the need to be secretive and live just like they are told. These expectations help these stars live up to their reputation and also the "followers" are at ease seeing their role models living their lives just like they hope for. But that does not surpasses the fact that these actors are living with disorders like depression and anxiety that nobody is willing to talk about. And therefore, in my opinion these "stars" should not be imprisioned by the expecatations of this world and should be given time to live their lives as normally as they did before becoming actors.
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|---|---|---|---|
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 358, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
... health and well-being is not something i advocate to and hence, i disagree to th...
^
Line 1, column 383, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
... not something i advocate to and hence, i disagree to the promt and argue that th...
^
Line 1, column 432, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: shouldn't
...e to the promt and argue that the stars shouldnt be put to such a pressure to potray a c...
^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 765, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...e places that these actors have visited.This also penetrates into their personal lif...
^^^^
Line 2, column 879, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this information' or 'these informations'?
Suggestion: this information; these informations
...or who they are related to. Knowing all these information is not somethign for public display but...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1133, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...or. This risks so many lives and hence, i believe that these stars should be able...
^
Line 3, column 803, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...ar or even anybody outside the schedule.This could lead to distress in their fans an...
^^^^
Line 4, column 63, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'progress'.
Suggestion: progress
...d Entertainment industry have seen such a progress in the past two decades that no other i...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 393, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[1]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...ese taboos but still they are very less as compared to the others. This is because...
^^
Line 4, column 829, Rule ID: DOES_X_HAS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'surpass'? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
Suggestion: surpass
...t like they hope for. But that does not surpasses the fact that these actors are living w...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, second, secondly, so, still, then, therefore, well, while, apart from, as to, for example, first of all, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.5258426966 154% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.4196629213 121% => OK
Conjunction : 35.0 14.8657303371 235% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.3162921348 177% => OK
Pronoun: 86.0 33.0505617978 260% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 96.0 58.6224719101 164% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3476.0 2235.4752809 155% => OK
No of words: 735.0 442.535393258 166% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.72925170068 5.05705443957 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.20681125291 4.55969084622 114% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70142898171 2.79657885939 97% => OK
Unique words: 322.0 215.323595506 150% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.438095238095 0.4932671777 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1091.7 704.065955056 155% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 6.24550561798 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 4.99550561798 120% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.10617977528 32% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.77640449438 338% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.38483146067 46% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 20.2370786517 138% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 23.0359550562 113% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.8938830737 60.3974514979 109% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.142857143 118.986275619 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.25 23.4991977007 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.89285714286 5.21951772744 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 7.80617977528 128% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 10.2758426966 107% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 5.13820224719 234% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.83258426966 103% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.243746086156 0.243740707755 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0784354187785 0.0831039109588 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0534012499942 0.0758088955206 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.182259692175 0.150359130593 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0379418457254 0.0667264976115 57% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.1392134831 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.8420337079 110% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.1743820225 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.45 12.1639044944 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.78 8.38706741573 93% => OK
difficult_words: 133.0 100.480337079 132% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 11.8971910112 155% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.2143820225 111% => OK
text_standard: 19.0 11.7820224719 161% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.