Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more powerful influence on children's behavior.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented above.
What causes children in otherwise peaceful countries to behave violently? Although some may argue that it is due to the increasing amount of violence in media, I believe the true cause lies in the parental role models and peer groups of children.
No matter how violently a child may want to act, the his or her behavior will always be influenced and limited by the environment. For example, a child wanting to shoot others with a gun, would never be able to do that in a country where firearms don't exist, such as Japan. One personal example I can give is of Taisuke, a young boy I spent a lot of time together with while living for a few years in rural Japan. Although Taisuke enjoyed playing bloody gun fighting games and often spoke of secret mafias, he had an extremely soft heart and would never do anything to hurt anyone. I attribute this to his environment and peer groups in peaceful rural Japan, where violence and aggression were virtually non-existent.
In response to those who argue that media is the cause of violence, a vital point to make is that children only have access to what their parents and groups allow them to. No matter how violent news stories airing on television may be, children cannot view these without a television. And, no matter how gruesome young adult video games have become, children cannot access them by themselves. For example, in many countries across the world, what the public has access to is restricted by the government.
In summary, in examining the cause of violence among children, it's crucial that we deeply consider the role of their parental role models and peer groups over that of the media.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 50, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'his'?
Suggestion: the; his
... how violently a child may want to act, the his or her behavior will always be influenc...
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Line 5, column 248, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... to do that in a country where firearms dont exist, such as Japan. One personal exam...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, may, so, while, for example, in summary, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 19.5258426966 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.4196629213 72% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 14.8657303371 61% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.3162921348 80% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 33.0505617978 76% => OK
Preposition: 42.0 58.6224719101 72% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 12.9106741573 54% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1377.0 2235.4752809 62% => OK
No of words: 289.0 442.535393258 65% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.76470588235 5.05705443957 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.12310562562 4.55969084622 90% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48762216371 2.79657885939 89% => OK
Unique words: 171.0 215.323595506 79% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.59169550173 0.4932671777 120% => OK
syllable_count: 425.7 704.065955056 60% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 6.24550561798 64% => OK
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.10617977528 64% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 20.2370786517 59% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 23.0359550562 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 30.6249716553 60.3974514979 51% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 114.75 118.986275619 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.0833333333 23.4991977007 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.41666666667 5.21951772744 85% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 0.0 10.2758426966 0% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 5.13820224719 214% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.83258426966 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.277087809366 0.243740707755 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.101233091868 0.0831039109588 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.136110576068 0.0758088955206 180% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.219161956394 0.150359130593 146% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.151596733556 0.0667264976115 227% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.1392134831 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.8420337079 114% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.92365168539 39% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.1743820225 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.62 12.1639044944 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.32 8.38706741573 99% => OK
difficult_words: 64.0 100.480337079 64% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 11.8971910112 76% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.2143820225 103% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.