In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

Essay topics:

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

Submitted by jeffzhou on Sat, 05/31/2014 - 11:05

The demographic shifts will have a huge impact on almost every aspect of public life. And this has become a serious concern to many countries. Personally, i believe the detrimental effect of the challenge outweights the positive effect.

Advocates in favour of this phenomenon indicate that older people can provide more valuable experiences and skills to the communities. For example, people find elders are good at teaching and consulting because of their highly skilled communication skills and sound academic knowledge. Thus, it is often the case that most of the primary schools tend to recruit aged employees for a better teaching quality. Apart from that, the aging population leads to the extension of working life, thereby reducing the demand for pensions

On the other hand, however, it is the negative influence of this social phenomenon that worries people the most. Firstly, the demographic shift is believed to have a strong correlation with the rising unemployment figures. With the number of elders grows, which promotes the country to raise the statutory retirement age. Thus, an increasing number of young graduates are less likely to seek unemployment. Secondly, another problem associated with an aging society is that health care costs will escalate, imposing a burden on tax payers. For instance, the government is required to allocate more budgets for age-care center facilities, and qualified workers.

In brief, the considerable extension of life expectancy has been regarded as the major contributing factor to unemployment and ever-increased health care expenses. Nevertheless, elders can make efforts to the society through their skills and experiences.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS Academic

Comments

Sentence: Personally, i believe the detrimental effect of the challenge outweights the positive effect.
Error: outweights Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.029 0.07
No. of Words: 259 350
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 3.838 7.5

There is a 'pattern' in your mind for IELTS essay writing. but this pattern is for 7.0 or maxim 7.5, not for 8.0 or over. You are likely to get 6.5 if you continue to follow this pattern even though you can actually get 7.5 or over.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 259 350
No. of Characters: 1390 1500
No. of Different Words: 165 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.012 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.367 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.831 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 117 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 3.838 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.516 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.029 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

The 'pattern' limited you to do better jobs.

First look at the introduction, you don't need to show off your ideas here. You only need to paraphrase the topic. and then 'Both pros and cons will be analysed before a reasonable conclusion is reached.'

Then, at the conclusion. You can put your ideas here 'i believe the detrimental effect of the challenge outweights the positive effect.', then you need to argue why this at the conclusion (simply, don't need to expand).

For the essay body. try a new pattern like this:

Para 2:First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3:Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First

Para 4: On the other hand (or however), here you can write in your old pattern. first,...second,...

Look, the great difference to the old pattern is that the supporting side is separated to two paragraphs. and in every paragraph you only need to focus on one thing.

This is a good sample:
http://testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-essays/many-university-courses…

and this one:
http://testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-essays/some-say-economic-devel…

Let us know if you didn't get the point.

WOW. thanks, now i got your points
what i want to say the most is that you guys really did a good job for editig my essays and providing suggestions.
Also, if i scored 7 on this website, does that mean i can also score 7 during the exam?