Describe an object that is very special in your life Explain why this object is important to you Include details and examples in your explanation

Essay topics:

Describe an object that is very special in your life. Explain why this object is important to you. Include details and examples in your explanation.

Submitted by Flavinha on Wed, 09/02/2015 - 13:24

Most of the people have some object that has an importance on their lives. It can be anything! A ring, a car, a book, and etc. I fell that a mint lace dress in an important object in my life for two reasons. First, it was a present from someone special. Fallowing I will be more detailed in my topics. Second, I felt fabulous wearing it in a special day.

First, this was a present from my grandmother. It is not uncommon to fell attached in a present given by a family member or a close friend. That object is able to bring memories and comfort. For example, my grandma knew that I needed a dress which I could wear during my graduation. Then, she started to search for a perfect dress to me because she knew that we had similar tastes even being born in different generations. One day, I that I was not busy I decided to visit her. When I entered the house, she seemed excited and told that had a surprise. Following, she took me to her bedroom where I found that amazing dress layed on the bed. She made the best choice, the dress was perfect. We spent an amazing evening together talking about my graduation, my dress, and our lives. That was one of the last visitations I did in the house of that sweet old lady house before she deceased. Nowadays, when I look to this dress, I remember about that day.

Second, I wore this beautiful dress on my university graduation celebration. In my home country, Brazil, the students take very seriously the clothing that they will wear in the party manny people complimented and told how I looked beautiful. That night was unforgettable, and this dress makes the memories more vivid. graduation night. All the family, friends, and professors are going to be there, so the students wish to look fabulous. For instance, while I was getting ready for the party, I could see in the mirror how the lace dress that my grandmother gave to me fitted perfectly on my body. The dress also had deep mint color and delicate lace valorizing my skin color. To complete the look, I wore golden jewelry and black high hill shoes. When I arrived at the

Concluding, often a person poses important objects in their lives. I consider my mint lace dress an important object that I have. It not only bring good memories from my prom night but also of my sweet grandmother.

Votes
Average: 7.5 (102 votes)
Essay Categories
Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

some object that has an importance
some objects that have an importance

Sentence: It is not uncommon to fell attached in a present given by a family member or a close friend.
Description: The word fell is not usually used as a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to fell

Sentence: One day, I that I was not busy I decided to visit her.
Description: The tag a pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by that
Suggestion: Refer to I and that

Sentence: That was one of the last visitations I did in the house of that sweet old lady house before she deceased.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to she and deceased

Sentence: Following, she took me to her bedroom where I found that amazing dress layed on the bed.
Error: layed Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: In my home country, Brazil, the students take very seriously the clothing that they will wear in the party manny people complimented and told how I looked beautiful.
Error: manny Suggestion: many

Sentence: The dress also had deep mint color and delicate lace valorizing my skin color.
Error: valorizing Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 421 350
No. of Characters: 1816 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.53 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.314 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.387 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.517 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.463 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.448 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.424 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.111 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

It is okay you check my corrected sentences?
Sentence: It is not uncommon to fell attached in a present given by a family member or a close friend.
It is not uncommon being attached with a present from a family member or a close friend.

Sentence: One day, I that I was not busy I decided to visit her.
One day I decided to visit my grandmother.

Sentence: That was one of the last visitations I did in the house of that sweet old lady house before she deceased.
That was the last time I visited my grandmother's house before her death.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective

Sentence: Following, she took me to her bedroom where I found that amazing dress on the bed.

Sentence: In my home country, Brazil, the students take very seriously the clothing that they will wear in the party.

Sentence: The dress also had deep mint color and delicate lace that looks nice with my skin color.
Error: valorizing Suggestion: No alternate word
What can I do to use less pronouns? I am a little confuse about that.