Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now

Essay topics:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

Submitted by poorya on Sat, 08/21/2021 - 04:17

Having privacy is an essential factor that all people, it does not matter who they are, needs to have it. Some people believe that celebrities who works as entertainers and athlethes should have more privacy than now, while others think it is not necessary. I am of the opinion that having more privacy for is group is a prudent course of action. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
First, If they do not provide more privacy for themselves, they would waste inordinate amount of their time. In the modern era, people suffer from their hectic daily schedule; this issue is more important for famous people because most of them live in big cities. Hustling and bustling of metropolitan areas bring about more problems for them because of some issue, such as traffic jam; Furthermore, famous athletes and entertainers who do some physical activities have a limited time for doing their professional work. As a result, they should manage their time in the best form. Having more privacy help them to do not use their leisure time uncorrectly. For instance, because of technology arrival some of these people some social medias, such as Instageram; sometimes, they share some private information about their private life in this media. Consequently, they spend big times for responsing some comments under their posts. If they do not share these information in such public spaces, they do not waste their time. It shows trying to have more privacy helps these well-knowned people to use their time in better way.
Second, Having more private life enhances these people’s productivity that is an important factor to be successful. Some factors have enormous effects on people’s success, as some of them have more effects and some of them have lower effects. Between these factors, focusing on work is a vital factor because when people focus on their work, other things can not disturb them; Furthermore, in this situation, they try to enhance their professional performance by learning all ins and outs that they have not learned yet. Needles to say, more trying to enhancing performance in one work, more success in that work. For instance, one case about one famous football player in my country shows that this subject is true; Sometimes ago, one sport newspaper said that his club had disturbed a large amount of money for him. Accordingly, this issue increased labor starin on this person because people he was following footbal in my country expected his performance be excellent, but he could not do their routine performance. If he had more privacy in their work and focus on his work, he would spend more time for enhancing his performance. Consequently, he would be more succesful that is the goal of every celebrities.
To conclude, it is so important for famed athletes and entertainers to have more privacy than now because by having it they would not waste their time and because their productivity will be enhanced.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 838, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...information about their private life in this media. Consequently, they spend big tim...
^^^^
Line 2, column 954, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this information' or 'these informations'?
Suggestion: this information; these informations
...under their posts. If they do not share these information in such public spaces, they do not wast...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, but, consequently, first, furthermore, if, second, so, well, while, for instance, i feel, such as, as a result

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 15.1003584229 106% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 75.0 43.0788530466 174% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 48.0 52.1666666667 92% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.0752688172 136% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2484.0 1977.66487455 126% => OK
No of words: 500.0 407.700716846 123% => OK
Chars per words: 4.968 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.72870804502 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62177344559 2.67179642975 98% => OK
Unique words: 226.0 212.727598566 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.452 0.524837075471 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 778.5 618.680645161 126% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 9.59856630824 156% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.8909477286 48.9658058833 122% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.909090909 100.406767564 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7272727273 20.6045352989 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.59090909091 5.45110844103 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.286213624587 0.236089414692 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.11084876301 0.076458572812 145% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0763473232818 0.0737576698707 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.236605976045 0.150856017488 157% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0613251442128 0.0645574589148 95% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.3 11.7677419355 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 58.1214874552 85% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 10.1575268817 117% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 10.9000537634 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.82 8.01818996416 98% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 86.8835125448 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

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