Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Whether most businesspeople are motivated only by earning more money or not, is a controversial matter, in these days, with which the managers and businesspeople around the world have been struggling for a long time. although some may say money play an essential role among merchant, I strongly believe that many businessmen motivate by other many ways such as have a proper social condition, gain experience and feel internal satisfaction. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
First of all, an important matter that many businessman or businesswoman encourage to work hard is having the internal satisfaction in their life. Many psychologists claim that one of the main features of a normal person is the desire of the mobility; he is not willing to stand in a specific spot forever. The motivation for enhancing and fortifying the state is one of the main elements that lead to be a successful businessman. If a person will not be responsible for this basic need, he will suffer from the lacking self-esteem; besides, he will not able to satisfy his demand. For example, every person has a specific aim during his life, and he fights every days and nights to reach it. Thus, one of the motivating factor for any person can be feeling the internal satisfaction.
Another exquisite point to be mentioned is the motivation by social prestige. Each individual is willing to be well-educated and has a high-level job because, in these days, people who have better occupation is more respectful among people than a person has a ground-level job. For instance, in my family, my aunt who is a medical doctor has a special admiration not only for her income but also for her social prestige. She runs a great medical business company in our town, many people know her perfectly and respect her greatly because she is a successful businesswoman. On the other hand, there are many people who earn much more money, but they have not only self-satisfaction from their job, but also any social prestige between people like a smuggled person. As a result, this feature requires more admires and respects.
In conclusion, considering the idea presented in paragraphs above, I personally believe that earning more money cannot be an inspiration for entrepreneurs chiefly due to many business managers have other motivated aims like having a better Social condition, Gaining experience for their carrier, having Internal satisfaction, and having the Patriotic belief.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 218, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Although
...d have been struggling for a long time. although some may say money play an essential ro...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 40, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun businessman seems to be countable; consider using: 'many businessmen'.
Suggestion: many businessmen
... First of all, an important matter that many businessman or businesswoman encourage to work hard...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 84, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'working'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: working
... businessman or businesswoman encourage to work hard is having the internal satisfactio...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, first, if, may, so, thus, well, for example, for instance, i feel, in conclusion, such as, as a result, first of all, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 15.1003584229 126% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.0286738351 91% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 43.0788530466 79% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 52.1666666667 75% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 8.0752688172 186% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2095.0 1977.66487455 106% => OK
No of words: 414.0 407.700716846 102% => OK
Chars per words: 5.06038647343 4.8611393121 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51076378781 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.97441088612 2.67179642975 111% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 212.727598566 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.531400966184 0.524837075471 101% => OK
syllable_count: 670.5 618.680645161 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 20.6003584229 78% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 70.9872072542 48.9658058833 145% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.9375 100.406767564 130% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.875 20.6045352989 126% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.6875 5.45110844103 178% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.174049660301 0.236089414692 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0623091645176 0.076458572812 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0538775743713 0.0737576698707 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.113984164851 0.150856017488 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0536245780468 0.0645574589148 83% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 11.7677419355 130% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 58.1214874552 79% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 10.1575268817 128% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 10.9000537634 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.58 8.01818996416 107% => OK
difficult_words: 97.0 86.8835125448 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 10.002688172 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.