Do you agree or disagree with following statement people who move out of their native village or towns are more successful and happier than people who stay in their native villages or towns

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Do you agree or disagree with following statement people who move out of their native village or towns are more successful and happier than people who stay in their native villages or towns.

Even though the technologies and facilities are accessible all around the world, some features of other towns or villages have persuaded people to move out of their local village or town. Widespread of people hold the idea that migrating provides a chance for human to experience new and different life, whereas others have a negative attitude toward it. As far as I am concerned, I am firmly support the first view that someone who dwells far away from his native town would be more successful than others and I will explicate my chief reasons through the following paragraphs.

To commence, the first point requires to be mentioned is the more places someone lives, the more social network he may own. When someone decides to continue his life in the unfamiliar city, he would become familiar with new people with various cultures and approaches. Therefore, he attempts to know more about them and adopt himself with new life. In order to shed more light on the proposed fact people living in the abroad are more social and independent than ones live in their own country. Nevertheless, does it take a while for him to accustom himself to all rules and regulations of new town. Eventually, not only they could enlarge their social circle by making connection with their colleges, classmates, neighbors and others but also they give practical guides. Hence, Moving out of local villages and towns include social expansions.

Another compelling reason comes into consideration is the massive job situations and education opportunities are available in new town and village. A noteworthy refreshingly intelligible, revealed by a recently a conducted social research, declares more than 80 percent of immigrants find profitable vocation and obtain high level of education degrees which have not been reachable in their local areas. Therefore, more and more young people leave their hometown for pursuing a desirable life and these changes make them feel more satisfying.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned arguments lead us to the fact that migration would be more beneficial than staying in hometown. Emigrants are more self-confidence and can attain an ideal work and education in the other towns and villages. I firmly recommend people provide an opportunity for visiting or living unaccustomed area to boost their experiences.

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Widespread of people hold the idea
Widespread people hold the idea

I am firmly support the first view
I firmly support the first view

the first point requires to be mentioned is the more places someone lives,
the first point which requires to be mentioned is that the more places someone lives,

not only they could enlarge their social circle by making connection with their colleges, classmates, neighbors and others but also
Description: Not only...but also is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?

Moving out of local villages and towns include social expansions.
Moving out of local villages and towns includes social expansions.

Another compelling reason comes into consideration is the massive job situations
Another compelling reason which comes into consideration is the massive job situations

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 377 350
No. of Characters: 1917 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.406 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.085 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.755 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.562 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.574 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.325 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.519 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.14 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5