Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Recently, the trend toward globalization has been much stronger, and young people are less likely to communicate in person because many of them have smartphones. These changes has made young people contact less frequently with local communities. So as one of young people, I strongly feel that we do not give enough time to help our communities.
First of all, Young people today frequently move to distant places. Some people move to urban areas to get a job or to go on to university, and others go to foreign countries to study abroad. Some of them move back and forth between their hometown and distant places. This tendency has made local connections weaker. Actually, my hometown is Hyogo, which is western part of Japan. Now I live in Tokyo, which is eastern part of Japan, to go to university. Since I left Hyogo, of course I cannot participate local community, and most of those who live in Tokyo are young, so there doesn’t exist any local connection there.
Secondly, nowadays people tend to spend most of their time on improving their abilities. They spare less time for helping their communities. Some people say that this is the age when people are judged by their performances and that therefore the young should concentrate on acquiring skills, rather than contribute to their communities. However, if everyone avoid looking at the management of communities, they will collapse. It is true that many prestigious companies hire independently skilled people, but they are not only skilled as an individual, but also they are always considering what role they can play as a member of a team. This perspective is also indispensable for being a member of a superb community. I believe that young people today are lacking in this way of thinking.
Finally, young people are too dependent on electrical devices. When people are in online communication, they cannot understand fully what other people are feeling. This weakens the cohesion of a community. For example, when people are discussing some matter through e-mail, they don’t know how long others take their time considering about the reply, but when people are in direct contact, they can detect it if other people don’t prefer their ideas and are at a loss how to reply. Sensing the atmosphere is an essential measure of communication.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 177, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'have', 'haven'.
Suggestion: have; haven
...of them have smartphones. These changes has made young people contact less frequent...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, however, if, look, second, secondly, so, therefore, as to, for example, of course, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 15.1003584229 139% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 9.8082437276 61% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.0286738351 109% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 43.0788530466 93% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 52.1666666667 96% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1945.0 1977.66487455 98% => OK
No of words: 386.0 407.700716846 95% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.03886010363 4.8611393121 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.43248042346 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82062968814 2.67179642975 106% => OK
Unique words: 210.0 212.727598566 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544041450777 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 614.7 618.680645161 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 9.59856630824 135% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 20.1344086022 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 60.6355628951 48.9658058833 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 88.4090909091 100.406767564 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.5454545455 20.6045352989 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.54545454545 5.45110844103 120% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 11.8709677419 59% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.88709677419 225% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.213393834323 0.236089414692 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0642527435514 0.076458572812 84% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.070988635103 0.0737576698707 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.137251799067 0.150856017488 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0721341658753 0.0645574589148 112% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 11.7677419355 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 58.1214874552 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.16 8.01818996416 102% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 86.8835125448 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.0537634409 88% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.