Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays many people have a large variety of hobbies. There are so many entertainment activities such as TV, games, and so on. Some people say they are beneficial because people can refresh by entertainment and concentrate on their tasks more. However, I believe that people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment they like to do instead of the tasks or jobs they should do. The following paragraphs will elaborate on the reasons for this.
First, nowadays universities provide long vacations, and most university students spend most of their vacations on their leisure activities such as traveling, playing games, or playing sports. It's necessary for us to sometimes forget about tasks and enjoy what we want to do and refresh, but spending most vacations for such activities is too excessive. For example, I'm a student of University of Tokyo, which is one of the most prestigious universities in Japan. But many of my friends rarely spend their vacation time on studying. Even students in the prestigious university don't study so much, so we can easily imagine the situations in other universities.
Second, most of us have smart phones. Although smart phones are very useful because we can keep our schedules and search immediately on the Internet what we don't know.However, many people waste their time playing games or watching videos on their smart phones. For example one of my friends from my high school was excellent at studying. He always got the best marks in his class. However, his parents bought him a smart phone for his birthday present. After that he got indulged in playing games and watching movies on his smart phone. His academic performance got worse and worse, and in the end he failed the university entrance exam. Many people spend much of their time on their smart phones in vain as my friend in this example. When I get on the trains, many people seated are playing games, even elderly people do.
Third, now we can have access to many kinds of social network services on the Internet. Of course it's important for us to provide information about what we are doing because this might help others solve problems or come up with new ideas. However, nowadays we are too much dependent on social network services. We can feel close to other people when we use them, so it is comfortable for some people to always use them. Actually, some years ago I was enjoying using Twitter and always trying to keep up with timelines. Because of this I wasted my time and I couldn't spend enough time on reviewing my classes.
To sum up, people are spending too much of their free time on their leisure activities. We should spend more time on dealing with what we have to do. Then the economic situations will improve and technology will develop more and more.
Grammar and spelling errors:
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...nal enjoyment they like to do instead of the tasks or jobs they should do. The fo...
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...tivities is too excessive. For example, Im a student of University of Tokyo, whic...
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... excessive. For example, Im a student of University of Tokyo, which is one of the...
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Suggestion: don't
... students in the prestigious university dont study so much, so we can easily imagine...
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...ul because we can keep our schedules and search immediately on the Internet what ...
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Suggestion: don't
...rch immediately on the Internet what we dont know.However, many people waste their t...
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Suggestion: However
...ately on the Internet what we dont know.However, many people waste their time playing g...
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... their smart phones in vain as my friend in this example. When I get on the train...
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...now we can have access to many kinds of social network services on the Internet. Of co...
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... Because of this I wasted my time and I couldnt spend enough time on reviewing my class...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, however, second, so, then, third, for example, of course, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 13.8261648746 137% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 11.0286738351 45% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 59.0 43.0788530466 137% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 61.0 52.1666666667 117% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2313.0 1977.66487455 117% => OK
No of words: 479.0 407.700716846 117% => OK
Chars per words: 4.82881002088 4.8611393121 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.67825486995 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55786881851 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 225.0 212.727598566 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.469728601253 0.524837075471 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 719.1 618.680645161 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 20.6003584229 136% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 20.1344086022 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 42.2229263577 48.9658058833 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 82.6071428571 100.406767564 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.1071428571 20.6045352989 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.5 5.45110844103 64% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.5376344086 181% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 20.0 11.8709677419 168% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.2165928442 0.236089414692 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.063706940171 0.076458572812 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.102110674482 0.0737576698707 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.152304365539 0.150856017488 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0899823532312 0.0645574589148 139% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.9 11.7677419355 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 58.1214874552 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 10.1575268817 86% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.44 10.9000537634 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.58 8.01818996416 95% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 86.8835125448 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 10.002688172 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.0537634409 88% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.