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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay topics: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Laura123's picture

Personally, I would agree with the statement that children would waste so much time playing computer games, what they gained is not worthy compared to what they have lost, both physically and cognitively.

Firstly, children are not mature enough to distinguish what is right from such plenty of chaotic information. There so many violent and erotic elements in computer games nowadays. Even though many games have announced at their beginnings that they are not allowed to be played by children under eighteen years old, there does not exist such a supervising system that would forbid all the kids outside the gate of these games, which are quite easy to be downloaded. In this case, lots of inappropriate messages are sent to children without any filters, which would create some dangerous signals inside the kids' brains and would somehow effect what they are thinking.

Moreover, children are in crucial time periods which would be so important in their whole lives, thus playing so much computer games would squeeze the perfect time for sucking knowledge. It has been proved that people's childhood could make huge impact on their entire lives, which should be carefully taken care of. Letting children playing computer games is a sense of irresponsible of parents, who should concentrate their effect on teaching children real knowledge and helping they to keep curious and imaginative about life.

Although, not allowing children to spending time on computer games may sounds brutal, because children should have rights to make their own decisions, abandoning computer games from kids is for their own good. Children would gain more energy through other types of entertainment, such as going hiking in mountains, enjoying time in amusement parks with family and going to modern exhibitions learning about advance technologies. These activities would be healthier for children as well, comparing to more and more kids beginning to wear shortsighted glasses due to computer and iPad games.

Finally, taking kids away from the computer screens would be more beneficial than harmful. Playing computer games has tempted so many kids from being good students, since they are too young to tell when to stop. The best way to protect our young children is to prevent them from playing these games, and they would understand in the future.

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and would somehow effect what they are thinking.
and would somehow affect what they are thinking.

Sentence: Letting children playing computer games is a sense of irresponsible of parents, who should concentrate their effect on teaching children real knowledge and helping they to keep curious and imaginative about life.
Description: The tag a pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by to
Suggestion: Refer to they and to

Sentence: Although, not allowing children to spending time on computer games may sounds brutal, because children should have rights to make their own decisions, abandoning computer games from kids is for their own good.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to may and sounds

flaws:
1. 'which' is used a lot but it may not be used properly. for example:

It has been proved that people's childhood could make huge impact on their entire lives, which should be carefully taken care of.

here 'which' refers to what? whole sentence or 'childhood' or 'their entire lives'?

if it is for 'childhood', it should be:
It has been proved that people's childhood which should be carefully taken care of could make huge impact on their entire lives.

2. Try to use less modal verbs (like 'must , shall , will , should , would , can , could , may , and might').

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 377 350
No. of Characters: 1920 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.406 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.093 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.44 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.929 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.55 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.395 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.626 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 642, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[7]
Message: Did you mean 'affect'?
Suggestion: affect
...the kids' brains and would somehow effect what they are thinking. Moreover, c...
^^^^^^

Discourse Markers used:
['finally', 'first', 'firstly', 'if', 'may', 'moreover', 'so', 'thus', 'well', 'such as']

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.226730310263 0.229887763892 99% => OK
Verbs: 0.188544152745 0.158761421928 119% => OK
Adjectives: 0.105011933174 0.0866891130778 121% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0644391408115 0.046263068375 139% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0405727923628 0.0685040099705 59% => OK
Prepositions: 0.107398568019 0.118717715034 90% => OK
Participles: 0.0763723150358 0.0351676179071 217% => Less participles wanted.
Conjunctions: 2.56149658725 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0381861575179 0.0309702414327 123% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.00188951952338 0% => More particles wanted.
Determiners: 0.0405727923628 0.0887237588012 46% => More determiners wanted.
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0381861575179 0.0209618222197 182% => Try to use less modal verbs (like 'must , shall , will , should , would , can , could , may , and might').
WH_determiners: 0.0262529832936 0.0139019557991 189% => Less WH_determiners wanted.

Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2359.0 2387.08602151 99% => OK
No of words: 377.0 408.028673835 92% => OK
Chars per words: 6.25729442971 5.86048508987 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4064143971 4.48200974243 98% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.371352785146 0.338922669872 110% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.281167108753 0.251872472559 112% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.201591511936 0.174417080927 116% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.10875331565 0.112833075102 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56149658725 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 210.0 212.727598566 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.557029177719 0.524397521467 106% => OK
Word variations: 63.0619400037 59.2087087015 107% => OK
How many sentences: 14.0 20.6684587814 68% => OK
Sentence length: 26.9285714286 20.5533526081 131% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.9035528148 48.84282405 119% => OK
Chars per sentence: 168.5 120.699889404 140% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.9285714286 20.5533526081 131% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.714285714286 0.644075263715 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.5376344086 110% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.54480286738 18% => OK
Readability: 55.0452823039 45.7405998639 120% => OK
Elegance: 1.39837398374 1.45489161554 96% => OK

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.369319212602 0.300154397459 123% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.126853805473 0.103427244359 123% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0561612340407 0.0752933317313 75% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.591320623549 0.497263757937 119% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.161704431025 0.151897553556 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.156752398126 0.114077575197 137% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0672100562658 0.0781384742642 86% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.314473117721 0.336927656856 93% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0151478882197 0.067059652881 23% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.245744673303 0.210909579961 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0216650420035 0.0618886996521 35% => OK

Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 11.8870967742 76% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.86379928315 129% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.91756272401 0% => More neutral sentences wanted.
Positive topic words: 9.0 8.42114695341 107% => OK
Negative topic words: 5.0 2.4623655914 203% => OK
Neutral topic words: 0.0 2.75985663082 0% => More neutral topic words wanted.
Total topic words: 14.0 13.6433691756 103% => OK

--------------------------
Rates: 73 out of 100
Scores by essay E-rater: 22 Out of 30

Sentences with positive/Negative sentiment are related agreements/disagreements. Like:

Positive sentiment:

I love this car.
This view is amazing.
I feel great this morning.
I am so excited about the concert.
He is my best friend.

Negative sentiment:

I do not like this car.
This view is horrible.
I feel tired this morning.
I am not looking forward to the concert.
He is my enemy.

While neutral sentiment means facts or knowledge, for example:

There is a book on the desk.

and topic words are contained in neutral sentiment, like 'book' or 'desk'.

Sentences with neutral sentiment are important too for introductions or used to explain something. for example in this essay, we can say:

Sentences with positive sentiment : Childhood is unforgettable
Sentences with negative sentiment : Childhood will be terrible without games
Sentences with neutral sentiment: Childhood is the time to play.

More sentences with neutral sentiment will make the arguments more peaceful or reasonable.

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