Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork, which of the two approaches do you prefer?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Parents nowadays do not have enough time being with their children, so they are pretty serious about what to do when they finally squeeze their time to accompany their kids, either playing sports and having other kinds of entertainments or dealing with children's schoolwork. Personally, I would suggest parents spend this precious time doing something relaxing and trying to create joyful memories for their kids' childhood.
First, playing games with young children in their spare time will improve family relationship between parents and children. Today, since adults are getting more and more pressure from their work, the time they spent with their children has been shorten gradually. Even though parents care so much about the kids' study at school, they should not show their concern as long as they have time to deal with family issues, because this will leave negative impression of themselves being too pushy to their children rather than the image of kindness and caring. However, playing games, such as outdoor activities, going to amusement parks and travelling around other places, with their children are beneficial to building up positive bounds between parents and young kids.
Second, playing games or doing sports will be helpful to let children be healthier, since at school, teachers concentrate more of their effort on learning knowledge and spend less time on doing exercise to improve children's body conditions. After school classes, parents are supposed to pay attention on children's health development, and spending more time on trying to solve academic problems will make their kids in worse conditions, physically and psychologically. Young people, especially high school students, have spent too much time sitting on chairs indoors, and escaping from rooms are so necessary for them, otherwise their bad health would create obstacles in their future development.
Although, some may choose to spend more time on studying schoolwork, and they even show big progress in their grades, in the long run, parents should help their kids to make the right choice of keeping healthy. There are so many examples of people who are talented enough to make some breakthrough in work, but they are stopped by their physical conditions. An extraordinary artist, who is a friend of my mom, has won many prizes in the first thirty years of her life, however she was too ambitious that used to locked herself in her office for days, suddenly she got an uncured illness and has to stay in bed for the rest of her life. Her life gives us so much pities, and makes me rethink about my life’s pursuit.
In sum, parents would better spend their spare time giving their children the right direction about their life and helping them to keep healthy, which is a double-win that benefit both the relationship between parents and children and the future development of children’s lives.
Try to use less pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 471 350
No. of Characters: 2367 1500
No. of Different Words: 244 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.659 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.025 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.421 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 170 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.643 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.733 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.384 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.628 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.158 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5