Some parent offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

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Some parent offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

In today’s world, as A result of sever competition in labor market, education plays a significant role in children’s life in order to make them ready for their future jobs and help them become more employable. The question is how these students should be motivated. While some parents think that offering their children a prize for each good mark they get is a proper incentive, my firm believe is that the disadvantages of this method outweigh its advantages. The reasons support this idea are manifold, the two most conspicuous of which are as follows: these prizes do not work in long-term and they also can have bad effects on the children’s future.
First of all, external motivations usually have adverse effects on people when it comes to crucial tasks. Recent research conducted by Harvard University’s faculty of education found that although this kind of motivation can improve people’s performance in short-term, it is more likely to have negative impacts on individuals’ performance over time because it gradually reduces the internal motivations. The point here is that important things like education should be propelled by internal incentives. For instance, students should try hard in school because they want to acquire knowledge in order to lead a satisfying life in the future; however, if parents give them prize for each good grades, they will gradually forget the main reason of education. This is obvious that the more trivial a goal is, the less efforts one makes to achieve it, which means that this method finally decreases the performance of students.
Another reason for this idea is that in doing so students’ mind become conditional, which cause them many difficulties in the future. When parents give their children gifts for every good grades, the children will gradually learn that there should be a reward for every proper action that they do, but the real world is not like this at all. Consequently, these children will have problems in their workplaces when they grow up and enter the professional jobs; if they do not receive prize for every things they do they suddenly become disappointed and stop trying. For instance, an employee, which has been brought up in this way, cannot tolerate the fact that hardworking does not necessarily results in immediate promotion or raise, which causes him to get frustrated and stop working hard. Now, it is undoubtedly clear why rewarding children for every good grades they get, can influence their future adversely.
Thus, with all this taken into account, it is fair to conclude that giving children money for all their great grades is not a proper method to motivate them because it is destructive in the long-term and it also harms their professional life.

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Independent TOEFL Writing

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 810, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun efforts is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...us that the more trivial a goal is, the less efforts one makes to achieve it, which ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 695, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[3]
Message: The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: 'result'
Suggestion: result
...t that hardworking does not necessarily results in immediate promotion or raise, which ...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 243, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... it also harms their professional life.
^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, finally, first, however, if, so, thus, while, for instance, in short, kind of, as a result, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 15.1003584229 126% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 13.8261648746 58% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.0286738351 172% => OK
Pronoun: 56.0 43.0788530466 130% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 45.0 52.1666666667 86% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 8.0752688172 173% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2306.0 1977.66487455 117% => OK
No of words: 453.0 407.700716846 111% => OK
Chars per words: 5.09050772627 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73582883974 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 212.727598566 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.538631346578 0.524837075471 103% => OK
syllable_count: 697.5 618.680645161 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 7.0 3.08781362007 227% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.94265232975 40% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 20.6003584229 73% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 20.1344086022 149% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 65.4530875259 48.9658058833 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 153.733333333 100.406767564 153% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.2 20.6045352989 147% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.6 5.45110844103 158% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.88709677419 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.314484473318 0.236089414692 133% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.104233584222 0.076458572812 136% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0872209244271 0.0737576698707 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.188644167661 0.150856017488 125% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0712359412916 0.0645574589148 110% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.6 11.7677419355 150% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.49 58.1214874552 85% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 10.1575268817 136% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.83 10.9000537634 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.65 8.01818996416 108% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 86.8835125448 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 10.0537634409 139% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 88.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 26.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.