some parents offer their school age Children money for each high-grade you get in school. do you think this is a good idea? use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
There is no doubt that students' school grades have a great effect in students future. Although some parent prefers not to give their children money as a reward for high grades, I agree that parents should encourage their children to study hard by giving money as a reward for their high marks. The basis of my views is illustrated in the following essay.
Giving students money as a reward to their high grades at school encourage the students to focus only in their studies. As they endeavor to reach dependancy, Students, during High school age, tend to work part-time jobs to raise money to support their own expenses apart form their parents. For example, Students prefer to work at Mcdonalds to generate money to spend on their clothes, trips and personal entertainments. However, working part-time or full time could have negative effects on the students studies and grades. Distraction can occur because students can spend a significant time at work. Instead, if the students get money as a reward for his/her high grades, students have the option to consantrate more on their studies and eliminate the urge for work.
In addition to the first reason, money can be the best reward for students' high-grades. Given that students can use their money to purchase video games, computer, cell phone or join the gym, students indirectly feel the benefited of his/her hard work in school. In fact, when parent give money to their kids, they are directly rewarded their immediate needs and satisfy their passionate. For instance, I wanted to buy a bike when I was at high-school. When my parents give me money as a reward for my high grades, I immediately used the money to by my dream bike. As a result, I was enthusiastic to study hard and achieve even better grades to get more money from my parents.
As a conclusion, we can safely say that even though money can not buy happiness, money is the key factor that encourage students to work hard and obtain better grades. Therefore, parents should not save no efforts to encourage their children to work less and study more time by offer them money in exchange for high grades at school
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: There is no doubt that students' school grades have a great effect in students future.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to students and future
Giving students money as a reward to their high grades at school encourage the students
Giving students money as a reward to their high grades at school encourages the students
Sentence: Giving students money as a reward to their high grades at school encourage the students to focus only in their studies.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to students and money
Sentence: As they endeavor to reach dependancy, Students, during High school age, tend to work part-time jobs to raise money to support their own expenses apart form their parents.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and endeavor
Sentence: However, working part-time or full time could have negative effects on the students studies and grades.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to students and studies
indirectly feel the benefited of
indirectly feel the benefits of
when parent give money
when parents give money
money is the key factor that encourage students
money is the key factors that encourage students
money is the key factor that encourages students
by offer them money
by offering them money
Sentence: As they endeavor to reach dependancy, Students, during High school age, tend to work part-time jobs to raise money to support their own expenses apart form their parents.
Error: dependancy Suggestion: dependency
Sentence: Instead, if the students get money as a reward for his/her high grades, students have the option to consantrate more on their studies and eliminate the urge for work.
Error: consantrate Suggestion: concentrate
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 20 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 371 350
No. of Characters: 1725 1500
No. of Different Words: 169 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.389 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.65 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.408 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 76 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.469 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.404 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.18 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 91, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ades at school encourage the students to focus only in their studies. As they end...
^^
Line 3, column 267, Rule ID: APART_FORM[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'apart from'?
Suggestion: apart from
...ise money to support their own expenses apart form their parents. For example, Students pr...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 453, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled as one.
Suggestion: fulltime
...ainments. However, working part-time or full time could have negative effects on the stud...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 45, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... conclusion, we can safely say that even though money can not buy happiness, mone...
^^
Discourse Markers used:
['first', 'however', 'if', 'so', 'therefore', 'thus', 'for example', 'for instance', 'in addition', 'in fact', 'no doubt', 'as a result']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.285714285714 0.229887763892 124% => OK
Verbs: 0.147783251232 0.158761421928 93% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0714285714286 0.0866891130778 82% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0418719211823 0.046263068375 91% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0714285714286 0.0685040099705 104% => OK
Prepositions: 0.115763546798 0.118717715034 98% => OK
Participles: 0.0147783251232 0.0351676179071 42% => Some participles wanted.
Conjunctions: 2.51888235647 2.67179642975 94% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0541871921182 0.0309702414327 175% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.00188951952338 0% => More particles wanted.
Determiners: 0.064039408867 0.0887237588012 72% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0221674876847 0.0209618222197 106% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.00985221674877 0.0139019557991 71% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2146.0 2387.08602151 90% => OK
No of words: 369.0 408.028673835 90% => OK
Chars per words: 5.81571815718 5.86048508987 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.38284983912 4.48200974243 98% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.327913279133 0.338922669872 97% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.235772357724 0.251872472559 94% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.170731707317 0.174417080927 98% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.0785907859079 0.112833075102 70% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.51888235647 2.67179642975 94% => OK
Unique words: 168.0 212.727598566 79% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455284552846 0.524397521467 87% => OK
Word variations: 47.2965850612 59.2087087015 80% => OK
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6684587814 82% => OK
Sentence length: 21.7058823529 20.5533526081 106% => OK
Sentence length SD: 42.4346434171 48.84282405 87% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.235294118 120.699889404 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.7058823529 20.5533526081 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.705882352941 0.644075263715 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.5376344086 88% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.54480286738 72% => OK
Readability: 45.2831181253 45.7405998639 99% => OK
Elegance: 1.59433962264 1.45489161554 110% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.27442443109 0.300154397459 91% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.151819167798 0.103427244359 147% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0906606103662 0.0752933317313 120% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.533918682893 0.497263757937 107% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.138933444711 0.151897553556 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.123693620842 0.114077575197 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.065265767005 0.0781384742642 84% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.47207616111 0.336927656856 140% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0539747406272 0.067059652881 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.21675982844 0.210909579961 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0144809129037 0.0618886996521 23% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8870967742 109% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.86379928315 52% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.91756272401 41% => OK
Positive topic words: 13.0 8.42114695341 154% => OK
Negative topic words: 2.0 2.4623655914 81% => OK
Neutral topic words: 0.0 2.75985663082 0% => More neutral topic words wanted.
Total topic words: 15.0 13.6433691756 110% => OK
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Rates: 63.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 19.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations to cover all aspects.