students in high school should be allowed to study what they want, agree or disagree??

Essay topics:

students in high school should be allowed to study what they want, agree or disagree??

Generally speaking, education play a crucial part in our life. It is important because it helps students to expand their insight and improve themselves. if the people’s opinion are going to be considered, some of them would agree, others would not. In my view, I believe that students should not choose their the courses in high school for the following two principal reasons.

One of the main reasons of not allowing the students to choose their courses is that they do not have enough experience at this age to choose the essential subjects. students at high school might be intrested in a minor courses that might not be beneficial for them in the future. A good example about that is me. When I was in high school, I was able to choose the courses that I want to study. One day I decided to study french as a foreign language, which was a biggest mistake that I took in my life. The problem is, I did not realize that until I graduated. When I came to apply at the college, most of the colleges did not accept me as my secondary language was french not english. It was a big lesson in my life. However, one argument put forward that preventing high school students from studying what they interguied in, it will negatively affect on their future and they might lose their willing to to learn anything new, it still convincing that putting a mandatory couses is a substantial step in student educational pathway.

The other obvious concern about studying courses have been chosen by the school, it gives a good opportunity to the students to study a variety of materials, which in turn will enhance their knowledge. Moreover, the diversity of the materials will be beneficial as the students will acquire a new experience that might benefit them in finding a good job in the future. A good exmaple about that is my cousin. When he was in high school, he studied chemistry and physics. Even though he did not like it at that time, later he was able to get a job in a chemistry lab with a good salary. In contrast to students in other schools who were able to choose what they interested in, they were struggling in finding a proper job to support themselves and their family.

In conclusion based on the aspects revealed above, I am of the view that in such cases we have to reach the balance in our life. In my perspective and the way I look at it, I prefer not to allow high school students to choose their courses for the reasons mentioned above.

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However, one argument put forward that preventing high school students from studying what they interguied in, it will negatively affect on their future and they might lose their willing to to learn anything new, it still convincing that putting a mandatory couses is a substantial step in student educational pathway.
Description: need conjunctions between sentences. can you re-write those sentences?

The other obvious concern about studying courses have been chosen by the school, it gives a good opportunity to the students to study a variety of materials, which in turn will enhance their knowledge.
Description: need conjunctions between sentences. can you re-write those sentences?

Sentence: In my view, I believe that students should not choose their the courses in high school for the following two principal reasons.
Description: The tag a determiner, possessive is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to their and the

Sentence: One day I decided to study french as a foreign language, which was a biggest mistake that I took in my life.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to a and biggest

Sentence: One of the main reasons of not allowing the students to choose their courses is that they do not have enough experience at this age to choose the essential subjects. students at high school might be intrested in a minor courses that might not be beneficial for them in the future.
Error: intrested Suggestion: interested

Sentence: However, one argument put forward that preventing high school students from studying what they interguied in, it will negatively affect on their future and they might lose their willing to to learn anything new, it still convincing that putting a mandatory couses is a substantial step in student educational pathway.
Error: interguied Suggestion: interview
Error: couses Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: A good exmaple about that is my cousin.
Error: exmaple Suggestion: example

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2

No. of Words: 445 while No. of Different Words: 198

We are expecting:
No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 445 350
No. of Characters: 1964 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.593 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.413 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.464 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.421 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.575 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.368 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.325 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.488 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

However, one argument put forward that preventing high school students from studying what they intrigued in will negatively affect on their future and they might lose their willing to to learn anything new, it still convincing that putting a mandatory courses is a substantial step in student educational pathway.

The other obvious concern about studying courses have been chosen by the school is that it gives a good opportunity to the students to study a variety of materials, which in turn will enhance their knowledge.

are they correct now??? if not, would you please show me where is the flaws? thanks

However, one argument put forward that preventing high school students from studying what they intrigued in will negatively affect on their future and they might lose their willing to to learn anything new. It is still convincing that putting a mandatory courses is a substantial step in student educational pathway.

another obvious concern about studying courses which have been chosen by the school is that it gives a good opportunity to the students to study a variety of materials, which in turn will enhance their knowledge.

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Make the sentences shorter and make sure you know where is subject, verb and object.