In their free time, many young people (ages 14-18) regularly take part in activities such as music lessons, dance classes, and competitive sports. Some young people participate in several different activities, dividing their free time among various things they like to do. Others choose to spend most of their free time focusing on only one activity that is very important to them. In your view, which approach is better?
Some adolescents take part in various activities during their free time, others choose to spend most of their free time focusing on doing only one important activity. Personally, I believe that taking part in various activities is a more favorable approach. My reasons are as follows.
To begin with, teenagers should help themselves become more knowledgeable, and requiring them to participate in different activities during their spare time help them become more knowledgeable and skillful. For instance, my niece was currently a sixteen year old high-school student, and he regularly attended a myriad of courses, including a private piano lesson, sports lessons, and a Spanish club on weekends. Consequently, he became knowledgeable in various subjects, and his classmates often admire my niece for his virtuosity. On the other hand, my father thought that language ability is exceptionally important to him. Thus, when my father was a teenager, he spent most of his leisure time studying foreign languages, such as English, French, and Spanish. Nevertheless, while it is true that he became extremely knowledgeable in numerous languages, he did not study other subjects that often, so he had problems doing even the simplest arithmetic without the help of calculators. So apparently, young people can improve their knowledge and skills by joining different events.
In addition, educators should care about 14-18 years old young people's future, and asking them to partake in various events can help them understand better about what they want to do in the future. As an example, I am currently a computer engineer, and when I was still a high school student, I did not know what job and career I was interested in. Thus, I divided my free time on weekends and took a variety of online courses that I'm interested in, including piano lessons and programming lessons. One day, I was fascinated by the beauty of algorithms and wanted to become an engineer. In retrospect, I always think that if I did not explore and try different activities during my leisure time, I would probably not discover my deep interest in computers. Contrarily, my friend, Todd, only do Olympiad-level math problems on weekends when he was an adolescebt since he thought that math is important to his future career. Yet, when Todd became a math student in National Taiwan University, he discovered that academic mathematics is drastically different from recreational mathematics, and he often felt overwhelmed by his college math textbooks. Had Todd participated in other events like the College Math Tour when he was young, he might have faced the truth earlier and prevented himself from entering the department that he had no interest in.
In conclusion, I maintain that participating in different activities is a better option due to the aforementioned reasons.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 433, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: I'm
...d took a variety of online courses that Im interested in, including piano lessons ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
apparently, consequently, if, nevertheless, so, still, thus, while, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, of course, such as, it is true, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 9.8082437276 61% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 13.8261648746 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.0286738351 136% => OK
Pronoun: 61.0 43.0788530466 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 52.1666666667 98% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 8.0752688172 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2395.0 1977.66487455 121% => OK
No of words: 458.0 407.700716846 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.22925764192 4.8611393121 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62611441266 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.02757188676 2.67179642975 113% => OK
Unique words: 245.0 212.727598566 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.534934497817 0.524837075471 102% => OK
syllable_count: 741.6 618.680645161 120% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 17.0 9.59856630824 177% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 8.0 1.86738351254 428% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 20.1344086022 119% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.1317809751 48.9658058833 109% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.052631579 100.406767564 126% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.1052631579 20.6045352989 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.15789473684 5.45110844103 168% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.224497232452 0.236089414692 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0715436813479 0.076458572812 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0824170769502 0.0737576698707 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.166937050854 0.150856017488 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0914182602951 0.0645574589148 142% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 11.7677419355 130% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 58.1214874552 81% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 10.1575268817 125% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.35 10.9000537634 122% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.83 8.01818996416 110% => OK
difficult_words: 116.0 86.8835125448 134% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.0537634409 115% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 80.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.