TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism
The professor in the lecture, questions the accuracy of the claims made in the earlier studies regarding the behavior called altruism. She states that we need to re-analyze these altruistic behavior claims among human beings, and animals.
She starts with an example of a sentinel, who, as mentioned in the passage, is known to have altruism behavior as he protects other members of its clan, and help them feed. The professor argues that the sentinel, acting as the guard while other members are eating, to protect them from the predators like a hawk, actually eats before, and then guards.
Passage also mentions that the sentinel, while guarding its members, puts itself in the more risk of predation. But the professor refute this claim, and instead argues that by ringing an alarm on spotting a predator, actually benefits sentinel the most. When the sentinel rings alarm, being closer to the burrow, is more probable to leave, and seek shelter first. Moreover, the ringing of the alarm causes the behavior, in the members eating outside, like moving close to each other or away, and makes them more noticeable for the predation.
Secondly, she talks about humans who donate organs to their relatives or even to the strangers and the people who share food. She questions the altruistic aspect of these humans in performing these activities. She is not convinced by the idea, mentioned in the passage, that these acts are done with no self-interest, or don’t receive anything significant in return. She insists that the appreciation and sense of the self-worth they get can’t be considered lower in value, in comparison to the worth of donation or sharing.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 373, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...receive anything significant in return. She insists that the appreciation and sense...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, if, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 15.1003584229 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 2.0 9.8082437276 20% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 43.0788530466 63% => OK
Preposition: 40.0 52.1666666667 77% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1404.0 1977.66487455 71% => OK
No of words: 276.0 407.700716846 68% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.08695652174 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.07593519647 4.48103885553 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59282612645 2.67179642975 97% => OK
Unique words: 160.0 212.727598566 75% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.579710144928 0.524837075471 110% => OK
syllable_count: 423.9 618.680645161 69% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 8.0 1.86738351254 428% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 20.6003584229 58% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 30.8166621597 48.9658058833 63% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.0 100.406767564 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0 20.6045352989 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.16666666667 5.45110844103 131% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 11.8709677419 42% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0281095099032 0.236089414692 12% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0115000746158 0.076458572812 15% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0260834738914 0.0737576698707 35% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0218606936543 0.150856017488 14% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0222753815651 0.0645574589148 35% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 11.7677419355 119% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 58.1214874552 97% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 10.1575268817 109% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.54 10.9000537634 115% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.13 8.01818996416 114% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 86.8835125448 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 10.002688172 130% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.