177. The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops."Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discover

Essay topics:

177. The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In the memo, the author recommends HobCo to build its new hobby shop in the southeastern Grilldon. Although the recommendation may seem convincing at first, the lack of answers to the following questions leads me to conclude that this recommendation is wrong in many regards.
First, the author needs to answer the question whether the result of research is credible. If the initial number of residents who responded to survey is marginal, then the 88 percent may not represent the opinion of southeastern Grilldon`s people. In other words, the survey`s results are not sound. Even if its initial number is significant, people`s welcoming cannot be equivalent to their action that buying something in new hobby shop. It is possible, they just welcome new store, but they may not buy anything in new shop. Therefore, author`s recommendation is unsound.
Another question that author should answer is whether the hobby business`s 300 percent increase in southeastern Grilldon guarantees new hobby shop`s success. It is plausible that initial scale of hobby business in this region is quite negligible then 300 percent increase may not be substantial. In addition, if its initial scale is substantial then it means that there may be a lot of competition in this region. Although, there is no hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon, but there may be numerous numbers of huge hobby shops near the south eastern, and people may prefer those huge shops. Thus, the company should not follow the author`s recommendation.
Next, the author should answer the question whether large population of retiree leads new hobby shop`s success. In all likelihood, retirees may not need any equipment for their hobbies. They may just enjoy watching movies or baseballs. In this case, they just need TV, so they will not buy anything in hobby shop. Also, it is plausible that although they have ample time to devote to hobbies, they prefer taking care of their grandson rather than enjoying their hobbies. As a result, they may not use new hobby shops. Thus, author`s recommendation is not helpful to company.
Lastly, the author should answer the question whether his prediction is sound. It is plausible that people will buy some equipment for their hobbies. However, they may not frequently buy the equipment for hobbies. For example, if people`s hobby is basketball, then they only need ball. After buying the new ball, then they may not buy anything in hobby shop. In this case, the number of customers may decrease. Thus, author`s prediction is wrong.
In conclusion, the author`s recommendation is unsound on many grounds. To bolster his recommendation, the author needs to answer above questions.

Votes
Average: 6.3 (3 votes)
Essay Categories

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 36, Rule ID: WHETHER[5]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question"?
Suggestion: whether
...ds. First, the author needs to answer the question whether the result of research is credible. If ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 33, Rule ID: WHETHER[5]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question"?
Suggestion: whether
...ation. Next, the author should answer the question whether large population of retiree leads new h...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 35, Rule ID: WHETHER[5]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question"?
Suggestion: whether
...any. Lastly, the author should answer the question whether his prediction is sound. It is plausibl...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 152, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...author needs to answer above questions.
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, lastly, may, so, then, therefore, thus, for example, in addition, in conclusion, as a result, in other words

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2316.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 436.0 441.139720559 99% => OK
Chars per words: 5.3119266055 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56953094068 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.0472278883 2.78398813304 109% => OK
Unique words: 192.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.440366972477 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 664.2 705.55239521 94% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 19.7664670659 147% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 22.8473053892 66% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.8256672954 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 79.8620689655 119.503703932 67% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.0344827586 23.324526521 64% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.79310344828 5.70786347227 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 14.0 4.67664670659 299% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.180052658084 0.218282227539 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0606537950442 0.0743258471296 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0829513393038 0.0701772020484 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.11121208014 0.128457276422 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0617091062759 0.0628817314937 98% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 14.3799401198 77% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 64.71 48.3550499002 134% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.0 12.197005988 66% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.93 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.71 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 11.1389221557 72% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 436 350
No. of Characters: 2167 1500
No. of Different Words: 182 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.57 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.97 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.67 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 156 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.034 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.881 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.828 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.298 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.061 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5