The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
Hobby means an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure. In the given argument the New Ventures Consulting wrote memo to the president of HobCo, Inc., which is a chain of hobby shops. They are assumed that people will surely like the hobby shop concepts in Southeastern Grilldon city also. As 88 percent respond in poll that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in their town. The argument seems to be convincible at first glance but there is lack of evidences to support their stance well.
Moreover, the resident’s poll in positive way which does not only indicate that they will welcome the hobby shops. It may also show that they are excited for such a new concept of hobby shop, but they did not mention that they would like to become regular customers. As I had seen in some town’s new restaurants full of customers initially to taste food but slowly people seeking for something new in their town. The research did not explain whether people welcome for joining the hobby shops or only they are happy because something new venture will open. As well as the research also not specifies the 88 percent belongs to which population of the city. They are mostly old aged people or children, or they are adults. It is important to collect information about age group before relying on the research.
Furthermore, the ventures consulting assumed that in southeastern Grilldon large number of retires lived and they would enjoy spending their time and money in hobby. The only old age people are more in the city is not convincing for investment for Hobby shop because people should have purchasing power and time than the shop will work successfully. For example, one of my friends opened coaching classes in an area where most of the below middle-class people lived. He thought there are so many students and starting the classes will be hit idea in that area, but he did not get benefit because they did not have much money to spent on coaching’s. Similarly, if we suppose mostly people are old aged but they don't have money to spend then the idea to start Hobby shop in Grilldon area will become flop.
However, the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during last decade so that the hobby shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers. There is not any solid data which prove the increase in hobby business and in ten years of span the population also increase as well as shift. Here the writer missed very important information that there are different hobbies such as gardening, reading, music, dance, writing, speaking, gaming and so on. Some of the hobbies do not require large expenditures it may possible mostly people prefer such hobbies. To start new Hobby Shops the president should collect new data related to interest and demographics of the city.
Conclusively, the given argument is based on inconvincible evidences which makes it unsatisfied. Because of lack of evidences the argument is not likely to have appropriate predicted results. So, the writer should rethink about his idea before starting Hobby Shops in southeastern Grilldon.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 302, Rule ID: ALSO_SENT_END
Message: 'Also' is not used at the end of the sentence. Use 'as well' instead.
Suggestion: as well
... concepts in Southeastern Grilldon city also. As 88 percent respond in poll that the...
Line 1, column 308, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...pts in Southeastern Grilldon city also. As 88 percent respond in poll that they wo...
Line 5, column 716, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
...ose mostly people are old aged but they dont have money to spend then the idea to st...
Line 7, column 481, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE
Message: Simply use 'some'.
...e, writing, speaking, gaming and so on. Some of the hobbies do not require large expenditur...
Line 9, column 98, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...e evidences which makes it unsatisfied. Because of lack of evidences the argument is no...
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, similarly, so, then, thus, well, for example, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2616.0 2260.96107784 116% => OK
No of words: 534.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 4.89887640449 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80712388197 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58083688849 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 248.0 204.123752495 121% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.464419475655 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 817.2 705.55239521 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 33.7317417279 57.8364921388 58% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 104.64 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.36 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.96 5.70786347227 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.267410571334 0.218282227539 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0843908014497 0.0743258471296 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0882732099723 0.0701772020484 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163127946476 0.128457276422 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0784460179816 0.0628817314937 125% => OK
automated_readability_index: 12.3 14.3799401198 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.14 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 113.0 98.500998004 115% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 535 350
No. of Characters: 2542 1500
No. of Different Words: 252 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.809 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.751 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.443 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.292 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.534 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.295 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.064 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5