The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
The corporation HobCo states that upon discovery, the city of Grilldon is wanting of hobby shops. On the premises of a myriad of assumptions, HobCo insinuates that the development of their avocation industries would reel in an ample amount of consumers. However, before this prediction introduces a plethora of proposals, it needs to be properly assessed. It is essential that the conclusion be fastidiously analyzed, the implications be methodically addressed, and the answers to two questions be fully obtained.
Firstly, it is stated that 88% of those who replied to the questionaire bolstered the idea of a hobby shop. How many people responded to this poll? Does this number properly reflect the city and do the responses give a just representation of the preferences of the society? For instance, assuming that only 100 people responded to this poll out of the 4000 individuals in the area, that means that only 88 people out of 4000 people in the city support this idea. This is a drastically insignificant representation of Grilldon. In order for the perception that intimates that majority of the population supports this hobby shop idea to be assessed, the corporation must obtain sufficient evidence regarding the populations. If these situations are valid, then the original supposition is severely attenuated.
The management also assumes that just because the hobby businesses have burgeoned by 300%, more people are interested in such an idea. Once again, similar to the population and percentage issue, there is a lack of concrete numbers in this situation as well. Not only is there a lack of numerical data, but also the reasoning behind such an increase. For instance, there might have been only one hobby shop previously, and now there are three. Now this might be a vast difference if the city is small; it also might be an insignificant burgeon if the city is behometh. Also why was there a 300% increase? Was it because there were more people enrolling in such a business or was it because there was a lack of it in specific parts of the city and to cover area, they decided to develop more buildings or hobby centers. Or it also could be that these hobbies are vastly different in terms of what they are offer. If any of these scenarios holds merit, the primary suggestion is drastically deteriorated.
Finally, the company assumes that their firm will be swarmed by the population of retirees due to the profuse time they have. How can it be certain that the retirees will remain in this city upon retirement or within the next few years, or even months? Perhap they will follow their life-long plan and jet off to Europe to spend their remaining days flocking around the great sights of the Eiffel Tower or the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Also, even if they do decide to remain in the city upon retirement, how can it be certain that they have ample time on their hands for a hobby? Perhaps performing such activities are not their priority and they would rather spend time playing with their grandchildren or watching televison, which can be considered a hobby, but would not require a store to execute this avocation. If this is true, then the presumption that the corporation holds is flawed.
The conclusion is blemished due to copious unjustified presumptions. If the author provides adequate evidence, cogent reasoning to corroborate his claim, and ample remedies to solve the inquiries, then a further explication of the proposal insinuating opening a business of a hobby shop in Grilldon is possible.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 594 350
No. of Characters: 2871 1500
No. of Different Words: 277 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.937 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.833 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.787 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 182 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 152 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 117 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 80 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.214 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.363 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.239 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.437 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.023 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 72, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...at upon discovery, the city of Grilldon is wanting of hobby shops. On the premises of a my...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 569, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ficant burgeon if the city is behometh. Also why was there a 300% increase? Was it b...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, regarding, so, then, well, for instance
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 38.0 19.6327345309 194% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 56.0 28.8173652695 194% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 69.0 55.5748502994 124% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2962.0 2260.96107784 131% => OK
No of words: 594.0 441.139720559 135% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98653198653 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.93681225224 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.86672804244 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 279.0 204.123752495 137% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.469696969697 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 939.6 705.55239521 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.7493711401 57.8364921388 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.785714286 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.2142857143 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.14285714286 5.70786347227 55% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.120349696544 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0356960840857 0.0743258471296 48% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0481913701626 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0722127086792 0.128457276422 56% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0224091035383 0.0628817314937 36% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.67 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 150.0 98.500998004 152% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.