73.The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site.
"The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The argument claims that Mozart School of Music is the best choice for children who want to take music lessons. The supporting evidence the school's website gives for this claim is that, first, everyone can enroll because there are no auditions. Also, the school provides classes on all types of instruments and genres, and the teachers include famous artists in the area. Furthermore, apparently, graduates of the Mozart School have become prominent musicians. At the outset, the argument seems to make a cogent case with its evidence, but there are many unanswered questions that first need to be addressed.
First of all, the fact that all young children regardless of their age and abilities are allowed to attend the school can rather hinder the development of students' musical abilities. Music schools are different from ordinary public schools in that their purpose is to nurture musical prodigies. These schools help children realize their full musical potential by providing immersive music-related courses. If children of varying musical abilities attend the school, it will be difficult for instructors to engage in advanced courses, because they will have to cater to the needs of the kids who fall behind. This will be disadvantageous to the students who are more capable of carrying out complex tasks.
Also, one could be doubtful of the level of expertise the instructors of the school has if the school provides courses on all musical instruments on all types of genres. There are numerous types of instruments in the world, and it is difficult for a person to master even one instrument in his or her lifetime. Therefore, it is highly unlikely that the teachers of the school are proficient in all the instruments. Perhaps, the school could be making false claims on its wide range of instruments and styles, when in actuality, there are only a few. The school should provide information on exactly on what kinds of instruments and musical styles are taught and how experienced the teachers are to assure parents of the children that it is indeed competent.
A different, but related, point of contention is whether the distinguished musicians in school do have distinguished teaching abilities. It could be possible that these teachers were naturally gifted and didn't receive much education when they were students. These people might not be able to help children build a sturdy foundation in developing their abilities because they are not good at teaching. Again, the school should provide more information on how much teaching experience the instructors have; promoting famous musicians might attract the attention of the parents at first, but if they are incapable of providing quality classes, this effect will not last.
Finally, it would be more informative if the argument could provide more details about the school's graduates. It is definitely encouraging to see that former students have attained prestigious positions as musicians, but there is a lack of information on how long they attended the school. In reality, it is common to see institutions promoting that their graduates have achieved phenomenal success when, in actuality, they only attended the institution for a short period of time and were taught elsewhere. Therefore, to convince the parents that it was the education from the Mozart School that enabled the graduates to be highly-accomplished musicians, the school should disclose more information about their school attendance records.
In conclusion, even though the Mozart School of Music seems to offer a convincing claim to prospective customers, when analyzed with scrutiny, it is possible to see that many details have been overlooked, and some information are rather ineffective to promote the school. First, the fact that all types of children can enroll is rather disconcerting. In regards to more information, the details of the instruments and the courses, as well as teachers' work experience and graduates should be provide.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
argument 4 -- not exactly. some people may not want to become professional musicians.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 639 350
No. of Characters: 3280 1500
No. of Different Words: 264 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.028 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.133 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.806 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 257 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 192 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 139 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 93 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.577 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.377 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.532 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 141, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
...ic lessons. The supporting evidence the schools website gives for this claim is that, f...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 205, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...hese teachers were naturally gifted and didnt receive much education when they were s...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 140, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'seeing'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: seeing
...graduates. It is definitely encouraging to see that former students have attained pres...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 467, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
...ly attended the institution for a short period of time and were taught elsewhere. Therefore, t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 352, Rule ID: IN_REGARD_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'regarding' or 'with regard to'.
Suggestion: Regarding; With regard to
...ren can enroll is rather disconcerting. In regards to more information, the details of the in...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 492, Rule ID: SHOULD_BE_DO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'provided'?
Suggestion: provided
...work experience and graduates should be provide.
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, apparently, but, finally, first, furthermore, if, look, so, therefore, well, in conclusion, as well as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 40.0 19.6327345309 204% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 28.8173652695 160% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3361.0 2260.96107784 149% => OK
No of words: 638.0 441.139720559 145% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.26802507837 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.02579962599 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89016865457 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 273.0 204.123752495 134% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.42789968652 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1026.9 705.55239521 146% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 4.96107784431 242% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.8351534781 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 129.269230769 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.5384615385 23.324526521 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.69230769231 5.70786347227 82% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.409979987057 0.218282227539 188% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.127342526006 0.0743258471296 171% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0889708483544 0.0701772020484 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.23765808349 0.128457276422 185% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0838937179947 0.0628817314937 133% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 14.3799401198 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.58 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.49 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 148.0 98.500998004 150% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.