Benton City residents have adopted healthier lifestyles. A recent survey of city residents shows that the eating habits of city residents conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. During those ten years, local sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol, have increased fourfold, while sales of sulia, a food rarely eaten by the healthiest residents, have declined dramatically. Because of these positive changes in the eating habits of Benton City residents, we predict that the obesity rate in the city will soon be well below the national average.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
In the passage, the author believes that the obesity rate of Benton city will be lower than the national average because of changed lifestyles. To prove his argument, he compares the resulst of survey regarding government nutrional recommendations ten years ago and now, states the change in sales of kirand and sulia. Although this argument may seem convinicing at first, the lack of answers to the questions below lead me to cast doubt on the validity of argument.
To begin with, he needs to answer whether the survey results about goverment recommendations could be credibly used to support his arugment. Because the exact statistics are not mentioned, it is entirely possible that the change is negligible. In this case, the change will not make noticeable shift in the ratio of obese people in the city. Furthermore, the conditions of ten years ago and now must be similiar to make a sound comparison. If the city was suffered from economic crisis ten years ago, it is natural that people would not follow nutriotional recommendations. In such a case, increase mentioned in survey would be just a temporary situation.
Another question that should be answered is that sales of kiran and sulia are suitable evidence for the argument. It is mentioned that the healthiest people are disinclined to eat sulia. However, their hate toward sulia is not necessarily mean that sulia is a bad diet. There is high chance that the healthiest residents just dislike the sulia because of their bad taste or abhorable odor not their bad nutritions. Also, even if the sulia is deleterios for health, what about other food and substances? It is hasty generalization to say that people’s eatting habits changed in a positive way just because only sales of kiran and sulia changed in that way.
Last question that must be answered is whether the obesity rate will actually decrease in the future. Even if the eatting habits changed in a positive way, it is entirely possible that the time devoted for exercises decreased dramatically. In such a case, obesity ratio will not decline below the national average. Moreover, what about other cities? It is plausible that other cities’ residents also changed eatting habits and their obesity ratio would decrease more faster than Benton city. If this is case, the obesity ratio of the Benton city will remain to be higher than the national average in the future.
In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive in many grounds. To bolster the argument, the author needs to answer the questions about the validity of recent survey, sales of kiran and sulia, and other cities’ conditions.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 436 350
No. of Characters: 2129 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.57 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.883 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.615 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.957 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.879 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.565 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.295 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.507 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.075 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
In the passage, the author believes that...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...t doubt on the validity of argument. To begin with, he needs to answer whethe...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...would be just a temporary situation. Another question that should be answered...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 585, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a positive way" with adverb for "positive"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...at people's eatting habits changed in a positive way just because only sales of kiran and su...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... kiran and sulia changed in that way. Last question that must be answered is w...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 143, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a positive way" with adverb for "positive"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...ure. Even if the eatting habits changed in a positive way, it is entirely possible that the time ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 473, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'faster' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: faster
... and their obesity ratio would decrease more faster than Benton city. If this is case, the ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the national average in the future. In conclusion, the argument is unpersuas...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, first, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, regarding, so, in conclusion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2205.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 436.0 441.139720559 99% => OK
Chars per words: 5.05733944954 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56953094068 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76850348829 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.449541284404 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 711.9 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.9306725864 57.8364921388 62% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.8695652174 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.9565217391 23.324526521 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.65217391304 5.70786347227 82% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.194431778501 0.218282227539 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0565085431096 0.0743258471296 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0646321474829 0.0701772020484 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.111961371984 0.128457276422 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0456324535352 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.9 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.22 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 102.0 98.500998004 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.