"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing Kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of Sulia, a food that few of the healthiest citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author argues that people in Forsythe become heathier by adopting more healthful lifestyles. However, the author relies on several critical assumptions that is supported by unpersuasive evidence and insufficient information.
To begin with, the author assumes that people are healthier than they were ten years ago by presenting a recent survey result. However, the author omitted information about the number of people who responded for the survey. If there were few respondents, it is uncertain that these respondents have representativeness of entire population. Therefore, the result might not be considered as concrete evidence unless the author proves that there were significant number of respondents. Also, even if we assume that the survey result is reliable, it might not directly indicate that people in Forsythe are healthier than before because there are possibilities that government’s recommendations were not effective to improve health condition. If the government presented outdated or wrong recommendation to their people, following these recommendations could not be reason of people’s improved health condition. Accordingly, more proof about effectiveness of these recommendations are required to strengthen the author’s argument.
Moreover, another assumption about consumption of Kiran that the author made needs more explanations. The author assumes that increased sales of foods containing Kiran helped improving people’s health in Forsythe. However, as the author didn’t provide any detailed information about domestic sales of the foods, increased sales of these foods might not contribute to the improvement if this increase is only shown in sales of foods made for export. Also, even if the increase is also happened in domestic sales, increased consumption of Kiran might not be effective to improve people’s general health condition if people in Forsythe have maintained low level of cholesterol. Therefore, the author should provide statistics about long-term data of domestic sales of foods containing Kiran and people’s cholesterol level to prove that his assumption is plausible. Furthermore, reduction of Sulia is also questionable evidence of the author’s argument. Even though sales of Sulia is diminished, if there were huge decrease in total population in Forsythe, consumption of Sulia per a person in the country might be increased. Thus, more evidence that Sulia’s consumption per a person is also dropped is required to make this evidence able to support the author’s argument.
In sum, the assumptions that the argument relies on needs more evidence and information to improve persuasiveness. Unless the author shows evidence and information pointed above, the argument might be remained implausible.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 410 350
No. of Characters: 2297 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.5 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.602 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.06 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 183 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 137 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 117 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 72 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.579 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.343 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.789 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.387 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.171 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 176, Rule ID: ADVISE_VBG[5]
Message: The verb 'help' is used with infinitive: 'to improve' or 'improve'.
Suggestion: to improve; improve
... sales of foods containing Kiran helped improving people’s health in Forsythe. However, a...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, also, but, furthermore, however, if, moreover, so, then, therefore, thus, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 32.0 16.3942115768 195% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2370.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 409.0 441.139720559 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.79462102689 5.12650576532 113% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49708221141 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.19744205247 2.78398813304 115% => OK
Unique words: 187.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.457212713936 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 746.1 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.1466232992 57.8364921388 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.736842105 119.503703932 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5263157895 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.26315789474 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.138408247649 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0524520925095 0.0743258471296 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0586555249529 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0943385100431 0.128457276422 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0604849866075 0.0628817314937 96% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.6 14.3799401198 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 33.24 48.3550499002 69% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 16.3 12.5979740519 129% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.89 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 98.500998004 111% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.