Evaluate an Argument and Evidence
Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium – substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
In the above text, it is mentioned that dairy products are rich resources of vitamin D and calcium that are required for healthy bones building and maintenance. So many people have related the strong bones and prevention of osteoporosis, a disease associated with both genetic and environmental factors, with the high consumption of dairy products. However the results of the mentioned above study claim that people who follow a diet rich in dairy products are more vulnerable to osteoporosis because these participants had more bone fractures than those who did not consume. Nevertheless, the argument stated above is not enough cogent and has many flows.
First of all, the study carried out even if it was long-term and included a satisfying number of participants it was one-sided. Osteoporosis is a disease linked to both environmental and genetic factors and does not depends only on diet. Genetic factors should also be examined. It is probable that some mutations cause genetic malfunction and led to weak bones creation. So even if the participants used to consume a high amount of dairy product their genetic mechanisms preventing the normal absorbance of the vitamin D and calcium, necessaire substance for healthy bones. Thus it seems inevitable that a research in a genetic level should be carried out. However, such a case is not examined and all date is construed based exclusively on diet.
Furthermore, the daily habits of participants should also be mentioned and examined. The consumption of other products might interfere with the absorbance of calcium and vitamin D. Habits such as smoking, alcohol, exercise should also be included in the survey and their positive or negative contribution to bone fracture rate should be determined. On contrary, the conclusion of this survey based on arbitrary assumptions and cannot be considered enough persuasive and reliable.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
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flaws:
need one more argument and a conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 301 350
No. of Characters: 1559 1500
No. of Different Words: 155 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.165 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.179 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.907 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 119 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 97 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.782 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.495 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.063 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
In the above text, it is mentioned that ...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 356, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...the high consumption of dairy products. However the results of the mentioned above stud...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ot enough cogent and has many flows. First of all, the study carried out even...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 223, Rule ID: DOES_X_HAS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'depend'? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
Suggestion: depend
...mental and genetic factors and does not depends only on diet. Genetic factors should al...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 223, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[3]
Message: The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: 'depend'
Suggestion: depend
...mental and genetic factors and does not depends only on diet. Genetic factors should al...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 583, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...necessaire substance for healthy bones. Thus it seems inevitable that a research in ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 613, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'research'.
Suggestion: research
...hy bones. Thus it seems inevitable that a research in a genetic level should be carried ou...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...construed based exclusively on diet. Furthermore, the daily habits of partici...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, nevertheless, so, thus, such as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 15.0 28.8173652695 52% => OK
Preposition: 33.0 55.5748502994 59% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1594.0 2260.96107784 71% => OK
No of words: 301.0 441.139720559 68% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.29568106312 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.16525528304 4.56307096286 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9807052727 2.78398813304 107% => OK
Unique words: 159.0 204.123752495 78% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.528239202658 0.468620217663 113% => OK
syllable_count: 512.1 705.55239521 73% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.1933155359 57.8364921388 89% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.266666667 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.0666666667 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.93333333333 5.70786347227 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 3.0 5.15768463074 58% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.237391805733 0.218282227539 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0728381421232 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0914742883379 0.0701772020484 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.154934798931 0.128457276422 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.109944162643 0.0628817314937 175% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 42.72 48.3550499002 88% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.46 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.88 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Minimum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.