Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium – substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people, therefore, say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
The author concludes that dairy products might increase the risk of osteoporosis. He claims that because the results of one long-term study with a large number of participants indicated that from all participants those who consumed many dairy products had more bone fractures than any others. Nevertheless, the conclusion stated above seems to have many flows and overgeneralizations.
First of all, the mentioned study even if it was long-term and with a large number of participants it was one-sided. As it mentioned, osteoporosis is a disease linked to environmental and genetic factors. However, only the dairy products consumption influence was examined. This might lead to faulty evaluations because most probably many different factors were involved and contributed to the results. The study should not generalize and arbitrarily assume that dairy products are the only factor causing the bone fractures.
Furthermore, the study should also check genetic factors involved and personal habits for each participant. The genetic map of participants should be analyzed so probable mutations or inheritance reasons that lead to body malfunction would be revealed. For example, it could be possible a mutation to prevent the normal absorbance of the vitamin D and calcium. Also, the daily habits of participants should be taken into account. Factors such as consumption of alcohol, smoking, and daily exercise play an important role and can affect positive or negative the bones. However, these factors are overlooked and the whole study focuses only on dairy products consumptions and its potential influence.
Additionally, the researchers should consider environmental factors that might affect bone density and health status. For example, it should be mentioned and remarked the climate that the participants used to live. Places with high humidity and many rainfalls cause damage to bones and people might be more vulnerable to bone diseases such as osteoporosis. Yet, this reason is not mentioned.
To sum up, the conclusion based on study results has many flows. The study should include the examination of more factors such as genetics, environment and personal habits and overgeneralizations and one-sided assumptions should be avoided. Thus more cogent and reliable results would be presented.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
The author concludes that dairy products...
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Line 1, column 150, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...the results of one long-term study with a large number of participants indicated that from all pa...
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... many flows and overgeneralizations. First of all, the mentioned study even i...
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Line 3, column 72, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...study even if it was long-term and with a large number of participants it was one-sided. As it me...
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Line 3, column 338, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...aulty evaluations because most probably many different factors were involved and contributed t...
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Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...y factor causing the bone fractures. Furthermore, the study should also check...
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...mptions and its potential influence. Additionally, the researchers should con...
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Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...ne-sided assumptions should be avoided. Thus more cogent and reliable results would ...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, look, nevertheless, so, thus, for example, such as, first of all, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 11.1786427146 188% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 29.0 55.5748502994 52% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1967.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 352.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.58806818182 5.12650576532 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.33147354134 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.11408087197 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 188.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.534090909091 0.468620217663 114% => OK
syllable_count: 621.9 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 40.3290884369 57.8364921388 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.6666666667 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.7619047619 23.324526521 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.66666666667 5.70786347227 99% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.67664670659 257% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.15004014411 0.218282227539 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0503610240174 0.0743258471296 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0529089507156 0.0701772020484 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0875080439002 0.128457276422 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.05013666297 0.0628817314937 80% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.3 14.3799401198 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 38.31 48.3550499002 79% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.85 12.5979740519 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.96 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.