The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora.
“Medical experts say that only on-quarter of Corpora’scitizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora’s citizens met the standards as then defined. But these experts are mistaken when the suggest that spending too much time using computers has caused a decline in fitness. Since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year’s unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does”
Though it may seem like there is a correlation between fitness and the economy, the author’s argument is riddles with assumptions and flaws.
The author states that currently, only ¼ of the citizens are considered physically fit as opposed to ½ the citizens twenty years ago. These numbers are not very reliable as the author does not indicate the size of Corpora twenty years ago as opposed to today. Corpora could have been a very small company twenty years ago, making ½ of the citizens a very small number of fit people, but if Corpora has expanded in the last twenty years, ¼ of Corpora could be a very large number of people and hence that would imply an improvement in fitness levels. The author could use percentage changes in order to standardise the sample size. In addition to this, arguing that twenty years ago citizens met the then standards has no bearing on the argument.
The author also puts forward that fitness levels are the highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are the highest. However, this correlation is heavily flawed. Computer ownership does not correlate with computer usage. Owning a computer could mean that someone in the citizen’s family might use the computer and hence assessing the fitness of the owner would not have any consequences. In today’s world, there are public computers and computers at the work place that employees do not “own”. This means that one may still be working for hours on the computer and still fall into the “does not own a computer” bracket.
Expenditure on fitness-related products and services do not necessarily mean that the buyer is keeping fit. One could spend money on a gym membership and never go to the gym, just like one could spend money on buying a treadmill but never use it. In addition to this, fitness equipment or services are not always necessary to keep fit. One may go for a walk or a run to keep fit. So correlating expenditure on fitness to people actually keeping fit and then extrapolating that to the economical state leads to a number of loopholes. In addition to this, one may also argue that an increase in the economy would mean that people would be more capable of buying and owning computers and if computers are the cause of lower fitness levels, then this would lead to an overall decrease in fitness.
However, some modes of keeping fits does require financial investment and hence can be correlated to the economical state. However, this is not always the case and cannot assume to hold true in the majority of the cases in addition to assessing whether or not computers have a role in the decline of fitness.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 455 350
No. of Characters: 2130 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.619 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.681 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.495 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.211 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.536 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.062 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 246, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...y of the cases in addition to assessing whether or not computers have a role in the decline of...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, hence, however, if, may, so, still, then, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2226.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 459.0 441.139720559 104% => OK
Chars per words: 4.84967320261 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62863751936 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7010154836 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.446623093682 0.468620217663 95% => OK
syllable_count: 711.0 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.5875399732 57.8364921388 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.3 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.95 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.7 5.70786347227 65% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.172090667398 0.218282227539 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0559783525861 0.0743258471296 75% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0573391247422 0.0701772020484 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0915268904489 0.128457276422 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0650915108351 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.15 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.96 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 98.500998004 95% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.