The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The memo points out a series of reasons why Buckingham College should devoute some efforts in building new dormitories for its students. It expects that the number of new students keep growing along the years, that the rental prices in the vicinity raises and that more individuals are atracted by better accomodation conditions. Those assumptions, however, are flimsy and susceptible to questioning.
First of all, the enrollment rate can be increasing because the current generation comprises a great number of youngsters. Eventually, those students will be undergraduated and the amount of newcomers will not be so expressive as expected. In order to strenghten its argument regarding this matter, the author could have provided the distribution of ages in the country`s population. Moreover, this data should present a more or less close figures in the first percentiles in order to corroborate the author`s allegation.
Second, the author says that an apartment outside campus will be more expensive than one in-campus, based on the current rental prices trend in the region. On the other hand, he does not mention the characteristics of the apartments analyzed. If the properties are large enough to suit comfortably a group of students, they could share the place and split the expenses. This could end up being cheaper than renting a private dormitory inside the campus.
Last but not least, by stating that if the college provides better accomodations to its students, people are more likely to enroll at Buckingham, the memo adduces that accomodation issues are paramount in the students` choice of a college to attend. This cannot be corroborated without previous data to compare with. Like, a verified augment in the number of students after the repairment of dormitories in the past. Without more evidence to buttress it, this claim becomes even feebler, as the memo highlights that the current number of enrollments are high, that is, even with the present conditions of the accomodations, many students are choosing the college to attent.
To sum up, in order to decide if the college should invest in the construction of new dormitories, the campus administration must scrutinize the conclusions presented in the memo, as those could be easily undermined by alternative explanations. It would be salutary to strenghten the author`s arguments to present the population pyramid, the characteristics of the off-campus buildings reserarched and past data showing the number of enrollment`s trend after improvements in the campus` accomodations.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The memo points out a series of reasons why Buckingham College should devoute some efforts in building new dormitories for its students.
Error: devoute Suggestion: devote
Sentence: It expects that the number of new students keep growing along the years, that the rental prices in the vicinity raises and that more individuals are atracted by better accomodation conditions.
Error: accomodation Suggestion: accommodation
Error: atracted Suggestion: attracted
Sentence: Eventually, those students will be undergraduated and the amount of newcomers will not be so expressive as expected.
Error: undergraduated Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In order to strenghten its argument regarding this matter, the author could have provided the distribution of ages in the countrys population.
Error: strenghten Suggestion: strengthen
Sentence: Last but not least, by stating that if the college provides better accomodations to its students, people are more likely to enroll at Buckingham, the memo adduces that accomodation issues are paramount in the students choice of a college to attend.
Error: accomodation Suggestion: accommodation
Error: accomodations Suggestion: accommodations
Sentence: Like, a verified augment in the number of students after the repairment of dormitories in the past.
Error: repairment Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Without more evidence to buttress it, this claim becomes even feebler, as the memo highlights that the current number of enrollments are high, that is, even with the present conditions of the accomodations, many students are choosing the college to attent.
Error: accomodations Suggestion: accommodations
Error: attent Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: It would be salutary to strenghten the authors arguments to present the population pyramid, the characteristics of the off-campus buildings reserarched and past data showing the number of enrollments trend after improvements in the campus accomodations.
Error: strenghten Suggestion: strengthen
Error: accomodations Suggestion: accommodations
Error: reserarched Suggestion: researched
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argument 1 -- not OK. //maybe students like to live off campus, or stay with family for those who are locals.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not exactly. //a lot of reasons for students to choose a school
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 13 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 402 350
No. of Characters: 2104 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.478 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.234 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.022 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 164 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.647 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.047 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.554 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 533, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rroborate the author's allegation. Second, the author says that an apartmen...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, moreover, regarding, second, so, first of all, more or less, to sum up, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 67.0 55.5748502994 121% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2197.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 402.0 441.139720559 91% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.46517412935 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.47771567384 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.25693335985 2.78398813304 117% => OK
Unique words: 219.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544776119403 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 677.7 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 4.96107784431 242% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.2992064439 57.8364921388 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 129.235294118 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.6470588235 23.324526521 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.70588235294 5.70786347227 117% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.237278068243 0.218282227539 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0669448201821 0.0743258471296 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0660153500366 0.0701772020484 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.13210603761 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0638365091951 0.0628817314937 102% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.2 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.3550499002 82% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.74 12.5979740519 117% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.53 8.32208582834 115% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 98.500998004 123% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.