The following appeared in a memo from the manager of UpperCuts hair salon:
“According to a nationwide demographic study, more and more people today are moving
from suburbs to downtown areas. In order to boost sagging profits at UpperCuts, we should
take advantage of this trend by relocating the salon from its current location in Apton’s
suburban mall to downtown Apton, while retaining the salon’s decidedly upscale ambiance.
Besides, Hair-Dooz, our chief competitor at the mall, has just relocated downtown and is
thriving at its new location, and the most prosperous hair salon in nearby Brainard is located
in that city’s downtown area. By emulating the locations of these two successful salons,
UpperCuts is certain to attract more customers.”
Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument
The manager of uppercuts hair salon believes that there is moving trend in the city that more and more people are moving from suburbs to downtown and his business has to use the advantage of this trend to make more profit by relocating his business form current location to downtown Apton. He also argues that Hir-Dooz and Brainard that located in the downtown are so successful, therefore, he believes that if they relocate his shop, he will be able to attract more customers. In my view these reasons that have been provided by the writer are not convincing and I will discuss about them in the following paragraphs.
First, the writer relies on some non-economic studies to make economic decision. The first problem with this assumption is that how he can truth these studies, whether these studies have done by renown scientists. Second problem is that based on economic theories in order to evaluate on economic decision you should not rely on just one thing, because economic decisions are affected by different factors that the writer do not consider. You can take my cousin as the best example for this case. Once in my country all people like to buy French clothes, hence he started to sell French clothes, but he could not be success, since he did not consider this fact that people like to buy these clothes from one certain shop.
Second, the writer believes that because of successful of other two shops in the downtown, he will be able to attract many costumers. The main problem of this argument is that he considers the appearance, I mean that he just thinks about profits that these shops can gain, and he does not think about the facts and assumption behind of these shops' successful. In this regard, I can say that, he has to know that may they have some advantages that he does not have. For example, may people in the downtown like their styles, but will not like his style, hence if he goes to downtown, he cannot be success.
In brief, as I discussed in the previous paragraphs, the manager of Upper-cut hire salon provided some assumptions and facts and based on concluded that he has to relocate his shop to downtown. In contrast, I argued that this conclusion is not correct, because first, he relies on non-economic studies to make economic decision and he do not account for different facts that will have effect on his business, second, he did not that facts that are behind of other shops decisions.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 426 350
No. of Characters: 1961 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.543 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.603 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.346 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 130 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.429 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.867 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.395 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.58 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.296 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 336, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'does'.
Suggestion: does
...tudies to make economic decision and he do not account for different facts that wi...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, if, may, second, so, therefore, as to, for example, i mean, in brief, in contrast, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 22.0 13.6137724551 162% => OK
Pronoun: 74.0 28.8173652695 257% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2016.0 2260.96107784 89% => OK
No of words: 426.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 4.7323943662 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54310108192 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45615860029 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 189.0 204.123752495 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.443661971831 0.468620217663 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 621.0 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 4.96107784431 242% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 22.8473053892 131% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 69.2372805677 57.8364921388 120% => OK
Chars per sentence: 144.0 119.503703932 120% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.4285714286 23.324526521 130% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.42857142857 5.70786347227 148% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0998058971202 0.218282227539 46% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0399640372774 0.0743258471296 54% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0665747420752 0.0701772020484 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0763193480912 0.128457276422 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0761685944286 0.0628817314937 121% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.1 14.3799401198 112% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.49 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.75 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.13 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 17.0 12.3882235529 137% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 11.1389221557 126% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.