The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
"During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing is suggesting to reduce their employees work time by an hour to increase productivity.To support this suggestion, he takes evidence of the nearby Panoply Industries plant where the work shifts are one hour shorter than theirs.To further support he states that experts have said that a significant contributing factor in many on job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers.Hence , to increase their overall productivity the vice president concludes that they should reduce their three work shifts by one hour. This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
Firstly,the threshold assumption that the author relies on where he compares his company with the nearby Panoply Industries is dubious.As both companies are different and may produce different things. The author should have provided us with enough evidence stating the similarities in both these industries.It is quite likely that Panoply industries does not have enough amount of infrastructure or the volubility of work which makes them work for a shorter time than Quiot Manufacturing.
Secondly,the claim that the author is making which states that experts say that significant contributions for on job accidents come from fatigue and sleep deprivation is spurious at best. The author fails to provide us with any reliable research study which supports the above stated claim. He should have included a statistical study which illustrates the fact that fatigue and sleep deprivation are the important factors causing on job accidents.The failure of the vice president to provide us with the above evidences weakens his argument.
Finally,the conclusion that the author is making that reducing the amount of shifts by an hour will give enough time for employees to sleep is specious.As reduction of work hour would mean that the employee has an extra free hour which does not guarantee that the employee will use to it sleep , it might happen that he would use this time for recreation purposes which would inturn cause him to be more sleep deprived than before.Also the second factor which the author states of fatigue can be due to various reasons like lack of eating or maybe that the employee is a bit unhealthy on that day , this would make the author’s argument less persuasive.
Therefore, in conclusion I would say that, the author's argument is filled with flaws and incomplete and incogent reasons. To make his argument more persuasive the author should have provided us with evidence stating the similarity of work in both companies . Also a reliable source providing statistical evidence stating that fatigue and sleep deprivation are important factors for on job accidents. Had the author kept the above suggestions and points in mind, his argument would have been bolstered much better with valid facts, evidences or statistics. The argument would also be more convincing and well-reasoned.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 483 350
No. of Characters: 2473 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.688 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.12 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.723 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 180 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 32.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 22.557 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.374 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.615 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.195 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 129, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...ime by an hour to increase productivity.To support this suggestion, he takes evide...
^^
Line 1, column 269, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...shifts are one hour shorter than theirs.To further support he states that experts ...
^^
Line 1, column 433, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Hence
...gue and sleep deprivation among workers.Hence , to increase their overall productivit...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 438, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...nd sleep deprivation among workers.Hence , to increase their overall productivity ...
^^
Line 4, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
... unpersuasive as it stands. Firstly,the threshold assumption that the author re...
^^^^
Line 4, column 136, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
...he nearby Panoply Industries is dubious.As both companies are different and may pr...
^^
Line 4, column 308, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
...e similarities in both these industries.It is quite likely that Panoply industries...
^^
Line 9, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...n Quiot Manufacturing. Secondly,the claim that the author is making which s...
^^^^
Line 9, column 449, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...ortant factors causing on job accidents.The failure of the vice president to provid...
^^^
Line 14, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...s weakens his argument. Finally,the conclusion that the author is making th...
^^^^
Line 14, column 153, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
...time for employees to sleep is specious.As reduction of work hour would mean that ...
^^
Line 14, column 294, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...e that the employee will use to it sleep , it might happen that he would use this ...
^^
Line 14, column 432, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
...m to be more sleep deprived than before.Also the second factor which the author sta...
^^^^
Line 14, column 432, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...m to be more sleep deprived than before.Also the second factor which the author sta...
^^^^
Line 14, column 440, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...more sleep deprived than before.Also the second factor which the author states of...
^^
Line 14, column 598, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... employee is a bit unhealthy on that day , this would make the author’s argument l...
^^
Line 17, column 48, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...re, in conclusion I would say that, the authors argument is filled with flaws and incom...
^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 257, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...the similarity of work in both companies . Also a reliable source providing statis...
^^
Line 17, column 260, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... similarity of work in both companies . Also a reliable source providing statistical...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, hence, if, may, second, secondly, so, therefore, well, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 27.0 13.6137724551 198% => OK
Pronoun: 48.0 28.8173652695 167% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2539.0 2260.96107784 112% => OK
No of words: 472.0 441.139720559 107% => OK
Chars per words: 5.37923728814 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6610686524 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.92810043474 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455508474576 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 768.6 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 36.0 22.8473053892 158% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 174.674913607 57.8364921388 302% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 195.307692308 119.503703932 163% => OK
Words per sentence: 36.3076923077 23.324526521 156% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.0 5.70786347227 140% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 19.0 5.25449101796 362% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.186898402869 0.218282227539 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0610798473753 0.0743258471296 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0791629686338 0.0701772020484 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.116877187363 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0921214131065 0.0628817314937 146% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 22.1 14.3799401198 154% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 34.94 48.3550499002 72% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 17.3 12.197005988 142% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.52 12.5979740519 115% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.83 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 102.0 98.500998004 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 29.5 12.3882235529 238% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 16.4 11.1389221557 147% => OK
text_standard: 30.0 11.9071856287 252% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.