The following appeared in a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold.
“A recent study revealed that the number of children requiring medical attention for
illnesses in our town is 40 percent higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield.
Last year the Champsfield school district implemented an educational program called
“Kerzac Plus” that promotes healthier habits among children. Because prepackaged
convenience foods have less nutritional value than fresh fruits and vegetables, Kerzac Plus
guidance led to banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools.
Kerzac Plus also provides informational posters and live presentations for children that
explain the importance of healthy foods and exercise, as well as the risks of making
unhealthy lifestyle choices. The clearest explanation for the lower medical needs of
Champsfield’s children compared withWistfold’s is the introduction of the Kerzac Plus
program to promote student health.”
While it is a good idea to consider the actions of the people that are in a better condition than you, it is also important to understand those steps and their implications properly. In the proposal above the author is referring to the study and the plan the other school implemented last year to support the idea of applying the same program in their own school. However, there can be some other explanations to the case other than the one presented in the argument. Firstly, we are not given the date when the study was conducted. If the study was conducted before last year it would obviously show no correlation with 40 percent difference in need for the medical attention. One alternative explanation could be that, Chmpsfield town has a higher life quality in general. If the people of the town are rich comparing to the people of the other towns, they would have more chances to take care of their health and life styles more while the population of the poorer town don't have that ability. In that case it will also relate to the fact in the passage that healthy food and exercie is a factor in a healthier life. Such that if we consider the people being reacher in Champsfield we can assume that they are able to afford the money and time to eat healthy and do sports. On the other hand, probably the childeren in the town of the Wistfold is seeking medical treatment on the illnesses that re not relted to the mulnutrition. As it is mentioned in the passage, excercising is also important to stay healthy. Probably they are eating healthy but having other bad habbits that would trigger their illnesses. So, while the promoting healthy life style and eating habits would be crucial in lower numbers of medical treatments, it could be related to many factors other than the banning of the fast food in the school area
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 327 350
No. of Characters: 1479 1500
No. of Different Words: 165 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.252 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.523 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.43 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 40 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.154 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.566 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.923 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.351 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.096 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 963, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...while the population of the poorer town dont have that ability In that case it will ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, so, while, in general, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 55.5748502994 74% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1479.0 2260.96107784 65% => OK
No of words: 326.0 441.139720559 74% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.53680981595 5.12650576532 88% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.24917287072 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.42498389231 2.78398813304 87% => OK
Unique words: 158.0 204.123752495 77% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.484662576687 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 471.6 705.55239521 67% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 0.0 8.76447105788 0% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 1.0 19.7664670659 5% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 326.0 22.8473053892 1427% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 0.0 57.8364921388 0% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 1479.0 119.503703932 1238% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 326.0 23.324526521 1398% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 80.0 5.70786347227 1402% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 1.0 5.15768463074 19% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 8.20758483034 12% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.17752732685 0.218282227539 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.17752732685 0.0743258471296 239% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0701772020484 0% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.17752732685 0.128457276422 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0628817314937 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 163.0 14.3799401198 1134% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -242.49 48.3550499002 -501% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 0.0 7.1628742515 0% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 128.1 12.197005988 1050% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 10.53 12.5979740519 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 23.0 8.32208582834 276% => Dale chall readability score is high.
difficult_words: 66.0 98.500998004 67% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 54.0 12.3882235529 436% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 132.4 11.1389221557 1189% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 23.0 11.9071856287 193% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Minimum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.