The following appeared in a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold.
“A recent study revealed that the number of children requiring medical attention for
illnesses in our town is 40 percent higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield.
Last year the Champsfield school district implemented an educational program called
“Kerzac Plus” that promotes healthier habits among children. Because prepackaged
convenience foods have less nutritional value than fresh fruits and vegetables, Kerzac Plus
guidance led to banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools.
Kerzac Plus also provides informational posters and live presentations for children that
explain the importance of healthy foods and exercise, as well as the risks of making
unhealthy lifestyle choices. The clearest explanation for the lower medical needs of
Champsfield’s children compared withWistfold’s is the introduction of the Kerzac Plus
program to promote student health.”
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could
rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account
for the facts presented in the argument.
The memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold surmises that a program called Kerzac Plus is to be launched in Wistfold to promote the health of their children since the program was able to lower the medical needs of the children in Champsfield. The author of this memorandum based his argument on the study which suggested that Wistfold had 40 percent higher rate of children getting ill as compared to their neighboring town; the Kerzac Plus program, at the same time, was able to introduce healthy food habits among the children of Champsfield thereby reducing the instances of ill children. However, the argument presented by the authors are based on unwarranted assumptions and are not cogent enough to to support that Kerzac Plus program was the major reason in promoting the student health in Champsfield.
First and foremost concern the author should have considered is the similarities and differences among the two towns, Wistfold and Chamsfield, in terms of infrastructures, presence of health facilities, environmental conditions, ratio of children to adults and several other factors; these factors could be extemely imperative in driving the overal health status of children in a given place. For example, Chamsfield could have had fewer ill children simply owing to their highly facilitated health infrastructures and health personnels; it is also possible for the children in Chamsfield to have a better physique since birth and natural immunity because of the intrinsic environmental conditions of the town. By contrast, if there are poorly facilitated instruments in hospitals, lower grade of health personnels in Wistfold and a degrading environmetal condition with polluted air and water, it is obvious that any study would reveal a higher rate of illness in Wistfold.
Another imperative and extremely crucial argument presented by the author is based on the study which suggested that Wistfold has higher illness as compared to it neighboring town. However, the study is not cogent and conducted articulately following specific scientific methods and thus not enough to provide concrete evidence supporting the notion cited by the author. There are few factors which could have shed more light on the status of two towns such as the population upon which which the study was conducted -- was the study conducted among children only or adults as well? The study is still too vague without clear idea about the questions asked to the children. It is possible for the children to lie about their health merely to skip the school or get more attention from their parents; in such scenario, the study, not being able to reveal the source of their data sounds highly suspicious and thus might lead to an ambiguous results. Therefore, the study is lacking in evidence to support a particular reason why Wistfold is indeed having higher illness among the children.
Finally, the mayor of Wistfold argued that Kerzac Plus program was able to lower the illnesses by promoting a healthy habit among them via preaching the importance of healthy foods, fresh fruits and vegetables and leading to restricting the sale of unhealthy sweets such as candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools. However, don't all schools educated their children about such healthy food habits and they also impose ban on sweets and unhealthy food to some extent. This suggests that the information and demonstration provided by the program alone is not enough to sway the children to follow healthy food habits. Furthermore, the children have been banned to eat the sweets and drinks in school but not outside the school; it is essential to understand if the children are indeed following the healthy food habits that is being taught by the program to them. In addition to this, if we assume that the program is indeed contributing to the reduced medical needs by promoting healthy habits among children, it warrents some scientific study to gather enough evidence to support the notion. Therefore, without conducting a proper study about the efficacy of the program, it is not plausible to assume that the program itself was able to mitigate the rate of illnesses among children in Champsfield.
In conclusion, the mayor of Wistfield ought to analyse the situational differences between the two towns and conduct a rigorous scientific evidence to back up the results obtained from the Kerzac Plus progarm. If these concerns are timely resolved, then, it would help to clearly identify the major cause of illness among children in Wistfield, and also determine whether the program was actually able to promote healthy habits in children to reduce the medical needs in Champsfield. If these dilemma are properly addressed, it is possible to make a plausible conclusion to promote health habits among children in Wistfield.
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Essay evaluations by e-grader
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 779 350
No. of Characters: 3970 1500
No. of Different Words: 300 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.283 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.096 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.681 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 316 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 234 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 161 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 91 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 37.095 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.69 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.81 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.574 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 701, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
...d assumptions and are not cogent enough to to support that Kerzac Plus program was th...
Line 5, column 482, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
...f two towns such as the population upon which which the study was conducted -- was the stud...
Line 5, column 941, Rule ID: A_PLURAL
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'result'?
...ous and thus might lead to an ambiguous results. Therefore, the study is lacking in evi...
Line 7, column 335, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
...drinks in Champsfield schools. However, dont all schools educated their children abo...
Line 9, column 488, Rule ID: THIS_NNS
Message: Did you mean 'this dilemma' or 'these dilemmas'?
Suggestion: this dilemma; these dilemmas
...ce the medical needs in Champsfield. If these dilemma are properly addressed, it is possible ...
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, may, so, still, then, therefore, thus, well, for example, in addition, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 36.0 19.6327345309 183% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 25.0 11.1786427146 224% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 123.0 55.5748502994 221% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 4045.0 2260.96107784 179% => OK
No of words: 778.0 441.139720559 176% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.19922879177 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.28134938836 4.56307096286 116% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75150393294 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 316.0 204.123752495 155% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.40616966581 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1220.4 705.55239521 173% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 37.0 22.8473053892 162% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 74.4703748795 57.8364921388 129% => OK
Chars per sentence: 192.619047619 119.503703932 161% => OK
Words per sentence: 37.0476190476 23.324526521 159% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.42857142857 5.70786347227 130% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.253009092907 0.218282227539 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0880663532224 0.0743258471296 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0578053369177 0.0701772020484 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.157977586464 0.128457276422 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0520895484489 0.0628817314937 83% => OK
automated_readability_index: 21.6 14.3799401198 150% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 33.92 48.3550499002 70% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 17.7 12.197005988 145% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.47 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.84 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 166.0 98.500998004 169% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 26.5 12.3882235529 214% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 16.8 11.1389221557 151% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.