The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature’s Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
“Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a ‘fitness for life’ program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.”
In the article about Nature’s Way opening it’s new franchise store in the town of Plainesville, the author puts forth that the store will record high profitability. He states the examples of the success of previous stores of Nature’s way in other town with ‘healthy’ customers and the potential customers from nearby health club and school to bolster his argument. Although these points may represent a correlation , before the argument is evaluated the following questions need to be answered.
Firstly, the assertion that the towns where other Plainesville stores had ‘healthy’ customers holds no water. The author does not provide empirical evidence that proves that customers are ‘healthy’. The author needs to provide what made the author to make the particular assertion.
Secondly, the generalization that the success of the franchise towns in other towns will lead to profitability in the Plainesville is flawed. Maybe Plainesville town has other competitors who offer those goods at cheaper price and have acquired loyal customers over time. In such a case, Plainesville town may not be able to repeat the success.
Thridly, the assumption of the author that burgeoning members at the health club will lead to an increase in profitability in the store may not hold true. It could be that the health club has an alternate supplier of health products which may not lead to increase in sales at Nature’s Way.
Lastly, the assumption of the author that new fitness programs incorporated in the schools will lead to an increase in sales does not hold water. Maybe the students don’t need those health products or the school may have arranged an alternate supplier.
In conclusion, based on the above points the argument as it stands now is considerably flawed. Maybe, If the author can provide empirical evidence the argument can be seriously considered.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 303 350
No. of Characters: 1520 1500
No. of Different Words: 142 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.172 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.017 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.735 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.856 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.365 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 43, Rule ID: IT_IS[21]
Message: Did you mean 'its' (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?
Suggestion: its
... the article about Nature’s Way opening it’s new franchise store in the town of Plai...
^^^^
Line 1, column 340, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...omers from nearby health club and school to bolster his argument. Although these ...
^^
Line 1, column 416, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...these points may represent a correlation , before the argument is evaluated the fo...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, firstly, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 19.6327345309 41% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 16.0 28.8173652695 56% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1585.0 2260.96107784 70% => OK
No of words: 302.0 441.139720559 68% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.24834437086 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.1687104957 4.56307096286 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.93656682517 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 147.0 204.123752495 72% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.486754966887 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 472.5 705.55239521 67% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.8460742249 57.8364921388 60% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.666666667 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1333333333 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.26666666667 5.70786347227 75% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.168773358892 0.218282227539 77% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0587232754504 0.0743258471296 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.063572863755 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0855522895222 0.128457276422 67% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0727731044582 0.0628817314937 116% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.17 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.92 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 63.0 98.500998004 64% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.