The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a
chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents
are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store
in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of
running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly
closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight
training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of
customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program,
which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
The memorandum by the Vice President of Nature's Way asserts that they should set up their next new store in Plainsville. The memorandum cites that the increased sales of exercise apparels and membership of the local health club to be a sufficient indicator for their furture stores's success. Before we can jump to such a conclusion the Vice President must clarify certain assumptions that seem unwarranted and weaken the memorandum.
Does a huge healthy population directly correlates with the purported increased sales in health foos and health related products? Perhaps not all of the residents of Plainsville who are healthy might want to supplement their salubrious life style with health foods and health products though they may be processes to the minimal extent. The huge healthy population may look promising for the business but one must take into account the life style choices of the residents and carry out a detailed survey of whether they would prefer such commercial health supplements. Otherwise the assumption fails and might lead to losses to the company.
One can ask, " Does the high sales of exercise clothing is only because of purchase by the Plainsville residents or there are some other customer base that is being overlooked?" It is fairly plausible that the merchants of Plainsville are reporting the aggregate sales statistics for exercise clothing without classifying the consumer base the purchases belong to. It is also noticeable that the credibility of the merchant's sales figures have almost no basis. If that is the case the whole venture that is based on the merchants sales reportsand consideration that the consumer base is predominantly consisting of Plainsville residents, might falter and incur huge losses on the company's part.
The assumption that Kids or the new generation of school children might be a new and heavily numbered customer base for the company, seems to be unwarranted. Perhaps the parents or guardians of the kids who will be the puchaser on behalf of the kids might not want their children to be dependent on health foods and health products from an early age and rather stick to natural ways of attaining fitness, the goal of the 'fitness for life' program. Without a warranted survey of the guardians and parents of Plainsville the assumption of the size of the upcoming generation of Plainsville consumer base might not hold true and be another reason for losses to the company.
Thus, the above reasons render the argument stated in the memorandum weak. The Vice President must provide more evidence by carrying out detailed surveys with the residents of Plainsville before taking any conclusive decision. The Surveys of the residents and consumer bases for the exercise apparels reported by merchants will help provide a simulacrum of the viability of business prospects of Nature's Way in Plainsville.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 465 350
No. of Characters: 2378 1500
No. of Different Words: 215 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.644 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.114 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.763 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 177 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 110 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.388 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.278 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.325 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.325 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 84, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ures Way asserts that they should set up their next new store in Plainsville. The...
^^
Line 2, column 142, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...nd health related products? Perhaps not all of the residents of Plainsville who are health...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 569, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Otherwise,
...fer such commercial health supplements. Otherwise the assumption fails and might lead to ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 152, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'bases'?
Suggestion: bases
...idents or there are some other customer base that is being overlooked?' It is f...
^^^^
Line 3, column 594, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...nd consideration that the consumer base is predominantly consisting of Plainsville residents, might falter ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 120, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ice President must provide more evidence by carrying out detailed surveys with th...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, look, may, so, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2415.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 466.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 5.18240343348 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64618479453 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.83383785024 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 217.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.465665236052 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 745.2 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 77.7879479338 57.8364921388 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 150.9375 119.503703932 126% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.125 23.324526521 125% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.125 5.70786347227 37% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.171313413381 0.218282227539 78% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0619694438832 0.0743258471296 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0595359119993 0.0701772020484 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.102593255628 0.128457276422 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0587486403627 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.5 14.3799401198 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 42.04 48.3550499002 87% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 12.197005988 120% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.36 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.84 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.