The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual s levels of stimulation The study showed that in stimulating situat | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

Essay topics:

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

In this argument, the author concludes that birth order can have an effect on individual’s levels of stimulation. To bolster the argument, the author points out that first-born monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, and first-born humans also produce relatively high levels of cristol. However, it is still replete with a myriad of assumptions which could not suffice to back the argument.

To begin, the author unfairly claims that the birth order of monkeys in the study should be the contributor to the up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol as do the younger siblings. Here, the author rests on the unwarranted the assumption that there is no other affect that may contribute to the higher amount of cortisol. However, it is possible that their own biological factors and genes actually contribute to the amount of cortisol. For example, infant monkeys that are more intelligent or have stronger limbs and legs may react faster to the surrounding dangers and thus can have higher level of stimulation. In short, more information to address the question as to whether other possible explanations of the large amount of hormone exist or not is needed to corroborate the author’s reasoning.

In addition, the author reached the conclusion that firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol from a study in which only eighteen samples are included. The author assumes that the study is fully reliable and without any bias. However, the author fails to provide any evidence to support the assumption. The sample size might be to small to rely on. Also, the author does not inform the readers whether the study have been conducted in a selective way. It is likely that those eighteen rhesus monkeys are deliberately chosen which have more obvious tendency that the author want to conclude in order to achieve a seemingly unwarranted conclusion. Therefore, in order to fully persuade the readers, the author should provide more detailed information regarding the study.

Finally, even if monkey’s birth order can contribute the levels of stimulation, and the study is reliable and unbiased, it does not necessarily mean that the amount of hormone cortisol of all the animals is caused by the birth order. The author assumes that monkey and human can represent all the animals in nature. However, the assumption is unwarranted. If the reason behind the causality is that the first-born monkeys or humans have more responsibility of take care of their siblings, and thus have to be more sensitive to the surrounding environment. But for other animals like birds, first-born infant birds do not take care of their younger sisters and brothers any more, rather they compete with them for the limited food to survive. It is highly possible, therefore, the first-born birds do not contain a large amount of hormone cristol, and those younger birds, on the contrary, have to increase their levels of stimulation. Thus, without additional information of whether monkey and human are different from other animals in the responsibility of the first-born, it is difficult to access the merit of the statement made by the writer.

In a nutshell, the argument is unconvincing as it relies on several unjustifiable assumptions. If the argument has included the given factors discusses above, it would have been more logically acceptable.

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Essay Categories

GMAT/GRE Argument Task

Comments

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 268, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...d the assumption that there is no other affect that may contribute to the higher amount of ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 659, Rule ID: WHETHER[2]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; the question whether
.... In short, more information to address the question as to whether other possible explanations of the larg...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 364, Rule ID: TO_TOO[5]
Message: Did you mean 'too'?
Suggestion: too
...he assumption. The sample size might be to small to rely on. Also, the author does...
^^
Line 5, column 468, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a selective way" with adverb for "selective"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...s whether the study have been conducted in a selective way. It is likely that those eighteen rhesu...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, however, if, may, regarding, so, still, therefore, thus, as to, for example, in addition, in short, on the contrary

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2842.0 2260.96107784 126% => OK
No of words: 555.0 441.139720559 126% => OK
Chars per words: 5.12072072072 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.85370353223 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81255663039 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 235.0 204.123752495 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.423423423423 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 896.4 705.55239521 127% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.6786258361 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.416666667 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.125 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.33333333333 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.136987376066 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0440318949928 0.0743258471296 59% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0534905052737 0.0701772020484 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0773631318036 0.128457276422 60% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0446554737482 0.0628817314937 71% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.71 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.53 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 132.0 98.500998004 134% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, however, if, may, regarding, so, still, therefore, thus, as to, for example, in addition, in short, on the contrary

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments