The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author indicated that the study was centered around 18 monkeys, to provide a relationship between the order of births and the level of stimulation of an individual. Although some information might be deduced from the findings, there are still some vague areas, and thus no valid reasons to generalise to other animals or humans. Let me explain further.
First, the study was carried out on 18 monkeys. This number is too small to add any considerable relevance or germaneness to the topic. There are probably thousands of rhesus monkeys in the world, many of which might not be agitated by seeing an unfamiliar monkey. In addition to this, there are even other species of monkeys, different from the rhesus species, used for the study. There is a good chance that they would behave differently from what the study indicates. If the research was carried out on say 1000 monkeys, of different species, then the claims and explanation might be considered. But until then, the information seems vague and obscure.
In addition, the study focused on just monkeys and makes attempts to generalise to humans. That a first-born monkey showed signs of increase in cortisol levels, does not mean that humans will do exactly the same. The first born humans, might show increased hormonal levels, but this could be the result of a other circumstances, some of which could be hereditary. There is no clear correlation between the hormonal reactions of the monkeys and humans when faced with uncomfortable or exciting scenes, and thus the generalisation to humans, is more ambiguous than clear.
Furthermore, the study does not account for the relationship between the first-time monkey parents and their first offspring. That a first-time pregnant monkey was nervous, with increased levels of cortisol, does not mean that their first offspring would show similar signs. As stated earlier, they could have stronger but dissimilar genetic information. For the same reason, this should not be generalised to humans.
Lastly, although the number of monkeys under study was mentioned as 18, the number of human parent and offspring was not included. If 18 children (humans) were used for the study to make a generalisation, that would not be considered valid, because the sample space is just too small. Over 7 billion people live on this planet and each person has a different reaction to exciting or unfamiliar situations. In addition, if the study was carried out in just one geographical area, it still would not hold. People situated in the tropical regions have different behaviours compared to those of other much colder parts of the world.
In conclusion, the study might have started on a good note, exposing a new study area, but the explanations suggested by the author still possess some vagueness. More monkeys, of different species, and indeed humans, from different geographical locations, should be included in the study. Until the unclarity and obscurity are dealt with, the explanations and conclusion should not be generalised or accepted.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not on the right track. Here goes the details:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 496 350
No. of Characters: 2479 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.719 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.998 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.687 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 175 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 129 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 61 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.077 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.586 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.577 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.47 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.048 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 307, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...levels, but this could be the result of a other circumstances, some of which coul...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, if, lastly, so, still, then, thus, in addition, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2560.0 2260.96107784 113% => OK
No of words: 496.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.16129032258 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71922212354 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79048281751 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 238.0 204.123752495 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.479838709677 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 771.3 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 11.0 4.22255489022 261% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 40.6596495385 57.8364921388 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.4615384615 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0769230769 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.30769230769 5.70786347227 58% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.67664670659 257% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.139519066085 0.218282227539 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0416924475481 0.0743258471296 56% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0489626946435 0.0701772020484 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0804608343775 0.128457276422 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0227410783924 0.0628817314937 36% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.4 14.3799401198 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.4 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 120.0 98.500998004 122% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.