The author claims here that the levels of stimulation are higher in case of firstborn than their younger siblings, due to higher cortisol level. Stated in this way, the argument distorts the view of the situation by manipulating facts and by providing weak examples. To justify this conclusion, the author notes the recent study conducted on rhesus monkeys. However, careful scrutiny of the evidence reveals that it provides little credible support for the author’s conclusion. Hence, the argument can be considered incomplete or unsubstantiated.
First of all, the argument readily assumes that a study conducted on eighteen monkeys would help to generalize the conclusion for the entire population. There might be thousands of rhesus monkeys all around the world, behaving differently than these eighteen. There is also a good chance that their reaction depends on the province in which the monkeys dwell. Editor does not mention any of this information. Hence, the argument would have been much more convincing if it mentioned any study conducted over a larger population.
The argument readily claims that similar relation can be drawn in case of humans. Study mentioned is of the monkeys and generalized to humans. This again is a weak and unsupported claim as it does not demonstrate any clear correlation between the two species. To illustrate further, humans might have behaved differently as compared to monkeys. Their reaction to the stimulus might be due to some other hormone. If the argument provides evidence that another study conducted on humans then it would have been a lot more convincing to the reader. Having billions of humans living in this world, the author claims that their behavior would be same as that of eighteen rhesus monkeys.
Finally, the author cites that first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol during pregnancy. However, careful scrutiny of the evidence reveals that it provides little credible support for the author’s conclusion in several critical respects, and raises several skeptical questions. For example, how are the levels of cortisol in mothers body related to amount in the infant, what are the methods practiced to analyze the levels, how can the observation extrapolated to humans. Without convincing answers to these questions, the reader is left with the impression that the claims made by the author are more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the author’s argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it further, the author must provide better concrete evidence, perhaps by way of a detailed analysis of study of effect of birth order to the level of stimulus. Finally, to better assess the survey, it would be necessary to know more information about how the data can be extrapolated to humans, and substantial evidence should be provided by conducting search on a larger population of monkeys.
Essay evaluation report
sample:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 465 350
No. of Characters: 2393 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.644 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.146 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.689 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 202 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 100 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.878 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.458 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.056 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 484, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...pport for the author's conclusion. Hence the argument can be considered incomple...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 98, Rule ID: ADVISE_VBG[5]
Message: The verb 'help' is used with infinitive: 'to generalize' or 'generalize'.
Suggestion: to generalize; generalize
...onducted on eighteen monkeys would help generalizing the conclusion for the entire populatio...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 391, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this information' or 'these informations'?
Suggestion: this information; these informations
...s dwell. Editor does not mention any of these information. Hence the argument would have been muc...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 410, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...s not mention any of these information. Hence the argument would have been much more ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 528, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...udy conducted over a larger population. The argument readily claims that similar...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 55, Rule ID: PRP_PAST_PART[3]
Message: Did you mean 'draw' or 'be drawn'?
Suggestion: draw; be drawn
...eadily claims that similar relation can drawn in case of humans. Study mentioned is o...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 410, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...lus might be due to some other hormone. If the argument had provided evidence that...
^^
Line 7, column 424, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'practiced analyzing'.
Suggestion: practiced analyzing
... infant, what are the analyzing methods practiced to analyze the levels, how can the observation ext...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 270, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
... of stimulus. Finally, to better assess the a survey, it would be necessary to know m...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, hence, however, if, so, then, well, for example, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2483.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 466.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 5.32832618026 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64618479453 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85331317017 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 216.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.463519313305 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 773.1 705.55239521 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 48.4117001182 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.458333333 119.503703932 87% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.4166666667 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.08333333333 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.174217020963 0.218282227539 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0532309944105 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0481618207723 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.10520628392 0.128457276422 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0313918329966 0.0628817314937 50% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 48.3550499002 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.63 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.68 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 98.500998004 123% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.