The following appeared as part of a recommendation from the financial planning office to the administration of Fern Valley University.
"In the past few years, Fern Valley University has suffered from a decline in both enrollments and admissions applications. The reason can be discovered from our students, who most often cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. Therefore, in order to increase the number of students attending our university, and hence to regain our position as the most prestigious university in the greater Fern Valley metropolitan area, it is necessary to initiate a fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable us to expand the range of subjects we teach and to increase the size of our library facilities."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
The author's argument of that it is necessary to initiate a fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable them to expand the range of subjects they teach and to increase the size of their library facilities is flawed. The author is assuming that the reasons for the decline in both enrollments and admissions applications are just due to infrastruture, such the library, in addition to poor teaching. However, there could be more reasons. Moreover, the author is only concern with the survey done inside the University. In what follows, I will explain the flaws found in his argument.
To begin, many reasons could explain the decrease in enrollments and admissions applications. Even when the University quality could have been reduced in the last years, the author must find about another explanations. For instance, there could be an increase in competition. If more universities have open over the last years with better infrastructure and better teaching quality, is natural to have a reduction in enrollments.
In addition, the author is only seeing the opinions inside of the University. According to the recomendation, he says that the reasons of this issue could be discovered from their students. However, if he wants to increase the enrolling and the admissions applications, they have to find how is the university image among the external community, in where the future students may appear. So, in order to expand his view, he needs to extend this study to more people, especially, outside the university.
Moreover, the final recomendation does not guarrantee that an increase in enrollements can happen. He says that expand the library facilities and enhance the range of subject will atract more students. But there are other ways to do so. For example, increase the amount of scholarships or reduce the university tuiton.
To conclude, the author's argument could by improved if he extend the study of university weakness among more people and by finding more explanations. As it stands, however, the argumentation is flawed for the reasons indicated.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The author is assuming that the reasons for the decline in both enrollments and admissions applications are just due to infrastruture, such the library, in addition to poor teaching.
Error: infrastruture Suggestion: infrastructure
Sentence: According to the recomendation, he says that the reasons of this issue could be discovered from their students.
Error: recomendation Suggestion: recommendation
Sentence: However, if he wants to increase the enrolling and the admissions applications, they have to find how is the university image among the external community, in where the future students may appear.
Error: may Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Moreover, the final recomendation does not guarrantee that an increase in enrollements can happen.
Error: recomendation Suggestion: recommendation
Error: enrollements Suggestion: enrollments
Error: guarrantee Suggestion: guarantee
Sentence: He says that expand the library facilities and enhance the range of subject will atract more students.
Error: atract Suggestion: attract
Sentence: For example, increase the amount of scholarships or reduce the university tuiton.
Error: tuiton Suggestion: tuition
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 335 350
No. of Characters: 1698 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.278 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.069 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.845 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.632 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.462 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.316 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.523 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 5, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
The authors argument of that it is necessary to ini...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 18, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...university tuiton. To conclude, the authors argument could by improved if he extend...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 59, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'extends'.
Suggestion: extends
...uthors argument could by improved if he extend the study of university weakness among ...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, however, if, may, moreover, so, for example, for instance, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1754.0 2260.96107784 78% => OK
No of words: 335.0 441.139720559 76% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.23582089552 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.27820116611 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.98511343258 2.78398813304 107% => OK
Unique words: 170.0 204.123752495 83% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.507462686567 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 555.3 705.55239521 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 51.3521328792 57.8364921388 89% => OK
Chars per sentence: 92.3157894737 119.503703932 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.6315789474 23.324526521 76% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.94736842105 5.70786347227 69% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0964238242947 0.218282227539 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.029206981284 0.0743258471296 39% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.031912025568 0.0701772020484 45% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0535592305118 0.128457276422 42% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0279254388313 0.0628817314937 44% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 14.3799401198 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 45.76 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.82 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.49 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.