The following is a letter from the parent of a private school student to the principal of that school:
Last year, Kensington Academy turned over management of its cafeteria to a private vendor, Swift Nutrition. This company serves low-fat, low-calorie meals that students do not find enjoyable – my son and several of his friends came home yesterday complaining about the lunch options. While the intent of hiring Swift may have been to cause students to eat healthier foods, the plan is just going to cause students to bring their own, less healthy lunches instead of eating cafeteria food. If Swift is not replaced with another vendor, there will be serious health consequences for Kensington students.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
A parent of student studying in Kenisington academy claims that the noble intent of bringing in Swift nutrition to cater healthy food options to students is not at place, and if it is not replaced soon, children would be prone to severe health consequences. This argument is based on a few students’ opinion and lacks substantial evidence to present a holistic view on how the food options are not salubrious.
Firstly, the argument assumes that the dissatisfied students are completely credible. The parent arrives at a direct conclusion based on opinion of his ward and his few classmates. It could be the case, that these comprise of the minority that do not like the food, while majority of the students face no problem at all.
Secondly, the parent claims that, the low fat and low-calorie meals are not enjoyable. This statement seems quite over-stretched and egregiously flawed. There is no evidence to support the how the food is not enjoyable. Taste is completely subjective and it is too naïve of the parent to make this generalization. Instead, most health conscious and fitness freaks suggest a meal with nadir fat levels.
Thirdly, the parent readily assumes that, all the students would be bringing unhealthy food in their tiffin if they are not satisfied by swift. The statement has no credible evidence to depict this fact. Based on his son, he is considering, every other student would follow the same steps. For instance, there could be students who are much more
health conscious and would love to bring healthy meals. If this is the case then the argument is rendered baseless.
Although, the argument is insufficiently substantiated in many ways but there is a scope of improvement. The parent could state relevant stats and numbers to prove the unworthiness of Swift nutrition. He could have stated 80% of the students in the class are dissatisfied with Swift nutrition and want a change in the vendor. Further, if he could clarify, how the low fat and low-meals are not enjoyable, the claim could be better proven. Similarly, the assumption that most students would be forced to bring unhealthy foods could have been relied on a better foundation supported by real time experiences and instances.
In conclusion, the argument is based on claims and assumptions that are irrational and need strong evidence to support them. There are various questions that these claims raise and attenuates the author’s position even further. The argument is inadequately supported and lacks a proper rational. Without further investigation and additional information, the author’s state remains tenuous and open to debate.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 431 350
No. of Characters: 2148 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.556 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.984 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.754 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.958 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.689 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.458 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.277 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.277 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.067 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 214, Rule ID: COMPRISE_OF[1]
Message: Did you mean 'comprise' or 'consist of'?
Suggestion: comprise; consist of
...mates. It could be the case, that these comprise of the minority that do not like the food,...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 185, Rule ID: THE_HOW[1]
Message: Did you mean 'how'?
Suggestion: how
...flawed. There is no evidence to support the how the food is not enjoyable. Taste is com...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 57, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... and would love to bring healthy meals. If this is the case then the argument is r...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, similarly, so, then, third, thirdly, while, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 45.0 55.5748502994 81% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2213.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 431.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13457076566 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55637350225 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.87282268496 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 211.0 204.123752495 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.489559164733 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 666.0 705.55239521 94% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.2921077937 57.8364921388 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 92.2083333333 119.503703932 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.9583333333 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.75 5.70786347227 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.166111559949 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0479835506731 0.0743258471296 65% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0542091062059 0.0701772020484 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0793892438798 0.128457276422 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0582466811885 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.7 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.18 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.25 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 98.500998004 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.