The following is a memo from the marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores, which operates thirty pet stores worldwide.
“Five years ago, our competitor Fish Emporium started advertising in Exotic Pets Monthly magazine. Their sales overall have seen a steady increase of 3-to-5 percent per year since then. In fact, the Fish Emporium store in Gulf City saw even more remarkable gains, becoming the most visited pet store in the United States last year. Meanwhile, our two Lamfonz stores in Gulf City have seen sales steadily decline during the same period. It seems clear that we should immediately begin placing our own ads in Exotic Pets Monthly and other popular pet magazines. If we do so, we will be sure to reverse this recent trend of declining sales and start making a profit again.”
The argument that Lamfonz Pet Stores should start placing their ads in popular magazines to increase the sales just like their competiton Fish Emporium is susceptible to several logical flaws.
Firstly, the strategy of Fish Emporium to place ads in Exotic Pets Monthly magazing will attract more customers may not work for Lamfonz Pet Stores. Fish Emporium has enhanced the quality of several products with the help of research and development. However, Lamfonz's products might have gone obscure, and therefore, the sales is going down. Moreover, Lamfonz's only build products that suits a small set of market, but the products of Fish Emporium stores are built using the feedback from variegated stores. Hence, simply placing ads in a popular magazine is not going to increase the sales of Lamfonz Pet Stores.
Secondly, apart from using popular magazines, Fish Emporium might have signed contracts with popular Television Channels to show their ads during popular shows. However, Lamfonz's management might not have thought about placing ads in other mediums, such as television or radio. With the help of television ads, Fish Emporium is also able to attract the customers from remote areas, however, Lamfonz's has no reach to buyers living in bucolic settings. Moreover, Fish Emporium might also be sending phamplets along with the daily newspaper to the denizes of the citizens. On the other hand, Lamfonz might not be investing in to build their popularity via phamplets. Therefore, there can several other mediums - Television, Radio, Phamplets - through which Lamfonz Pet Stores can increase their popularity which in turn will increase their sales.
Thirdly, the statement that Lamfonz sales declining rate can be reversed by just placing ads in popular magazines is prone to the assumption that the store owners does not show propriety behavior to their customers. If the customers are returning just because the receptionist behaved rudely, then the Lamfonz's managements should teach the existing employees to be calm while dealing with customers. Hence, Lamfonz Pet Stores should more work on improving the skillsets of its sales employees.
Lamfonz's sales does not only depends on placing ads Exotic Pets Montly magazing. Lamfonz's managements must improve their quality of products. They should also consider ways to improve on their marketing deparment so that they can increase their popularity by placing ads in various TV stations. Moreover, they should also focus in building the skills of their employees so that they do not loose their old customers.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 405 350
No. of Characters: 2120 1500
No. of Different Words: 184 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.486 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.235 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.445 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 137 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.316 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.681 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.789 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.367 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.562 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.122 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 30, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[3]
Message: The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: 'depend'
Suggestion: depend
...loyees. Lamfonzs sales does not only depends on placing ads Exotic Pets Montly magaz...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 391, Rule ID: LOOSE_LOSE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'lose' (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
Suggestion: lose
... of their employees so that they do not loose their old customers.
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thirdly, while, apart from, such as, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2173.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 405.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.36543209877 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48604634366 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.52818508843 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 187.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.461728395062 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 643.5 705.55239521 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 42.4864977737 57.8364921388 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.368421053 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.3157894737 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.52631578947 5.70786347227 149% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.286024177637 0.218282227539 131% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.105966768879 0.0743258471296 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.069663321614 0.0701772020484 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.193842701589 0.128457276422 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0595925464226 0.0628817314937 95% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.87 12.5979740519 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.38 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 95.0 98.500998004 96% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.