In the memorandum, it is stated that saccharin should be use as an substitue for sugar because people does not have any issues for consuming it and there are no major complaints received when the Bagel Mania Bakery did so. So, at first glance the argument seems to be convincing, but further reflection reveals that it is rife with holes and assumptions.
To begin with, author has mentioned that 10 percent of customers have mentioned the issue with use of sachharin in their bakery products. So, it is not a major concern for them. However, in the present tense it is 10 percent, what about future scenario? Were they taken into consideration while assuming that it won't affect sales. Moreover, author did not provide any concrete data about customers, 10 percent of what? Also, initial expectations are not mentioned here? what was the expectation and on which basis the data was accumulated before coming to the conclusion about using saccharin as a substitute.
Furthermore, author mentions that only 10 percent have grumbled about the change and so it is no big deal. Here the author fails to consider that 10 percents are complains and not the 10 percent of customers who used to buy from the Bagel Mania Bakery. It is possible that, people instead of complaining about the saccharin used as substitute, they changed the bakery, they used to purchase from in the past i.e Bagel Mania. The argument could have been strenghned if author provides the sales and profit data. If the sales and profit figures are same as before, then it is plausible to assume that customers did not have issues with the change. If the sales are going down because of change, it is implicit or plausible to think that substitute of sugar with sachharin was one of the reason.
Finally, the author assumes that if in certain vicinity people did not have issues with the change, it would be same for all the people where the branches of Bagel Mania are present. Author fails to consider that, people with different regions may have different tastes. It is possible that other people would be reluctant to consume this bakery products. Before implementing it, there should be a survey which explicitly mentions that people are okay to consume saccharin as a substitute for sugar. If the change is made in all the branches and all the customers of branch are not satisfied with it, it can cause some serious issue for company and their sales.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts about sales, statistical data of people who complaints, people's preference who are customers of other branches and survey about the change. In order to asses the merits of a situation, it is essential to have full knowledge.
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 486 350
No. of Characters: 2310 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.695 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.753 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.551 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.091 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.479 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.773 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.317 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.079 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 58, Rule ID: SHOULD_BE_DO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'used'?
Suggestion: used
..., it is stated that saccharin should be use as an substitue for sugar because peopl...
^^^
Line 1, column 65, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
... stated that saccharin should be use as an substitue for sugar because people does...
^^
Line 3, column 471, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
...al expectations are not mentioned here? what was the expectation and on which basis ...
^^^^
Line 9, column 270, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...ople who complaints, peoples preference who are customers of other branches and survey ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, therefore, while, in conclusion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2371.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 484.0 441.139720559 110% => OK
Chars per words: 4.89876033058 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.69041575982 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62153772502 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.444214876033 0.468620217663 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 749.7 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.2322146981 57.8364921388 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.086956522 119.503703932 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0434782609 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.39130434783 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.222423113128 0.218282227539 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.063441056963 0.0743258471296 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0584650810519 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.130879350881 0.128457276422 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0721054022733 0.0628817314937 115% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.2 14.3799401198 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.14 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.17 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 98.500998004 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.