The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
The writer assumes that Monarch Books should open a café to attract new customer and discontinue children’s book section due to decline in population of children below ten. However, there is no evidence to support writer’s claim.
Firstly, the writer assumes that because Monarch has been in business at that location for nearly twenty years so opening a café will bring new customers. But in depth analysis of the statement there is flaw in writer’s assumption because there might be a café in that locality and the people in that locality would prefer going there instead of Monarch’s cafe.
Secondly, the writer states that the children’s book section should be discontinued and space must be made for café because children’s book section will be unpopular because there is significant decline is population of children below ten. This statement would have been strengthened if writer would provide evidence related to the decline in population of children in nearby locality. There might be possibility that there is increase in population of children under ten in nearby locality and steep decline in population nation-wide.
Finally, the writer states that by opening a café, Monarch Books can compete with Regal Books who has recently opened a café. But writer fails to provide any evidence that by opening a cafe Regal Books has achieved success to attract more customers. Only if the writer produces any evidence that by opening a café in Monarch Books will boost it sales and attract new customer then it is viable for Monarch books to open café.
In conclusion, from given information the writer’s evidence lends little credible support to his claim. Had the writer given any evidence about any other book store which had opened a café and was capable to attract customers, then it would bolster the writer’s claims of opening a café.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 305 350
No. of Characters: 1518 1500
No. of Different Words: 130 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.179 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.977 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.498 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.417 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.139 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.466 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.73 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.167 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 15.0 28.8173652695 52% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1599.0 2260.96107784 71% => OK
No of words: 305.0 441.139720559 69% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.24262295082 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.17902490978 4.56307096286 92% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84541432709 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 131.0 204.123752495 64% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.429508196721 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 498.6 705.55239521 71% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 48.3586140781 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.25 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4166666667 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 5.70786347227 123% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.214143948991 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.101991028133 0.0743258471296 137% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0917380704981 0.0701772020484 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.141130468451 0.128457276422 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0772123593895 0.0628817314937 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.0 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.41 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.57 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 52.0 98.500998004 53% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.