The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors.
"A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. According to a 21-year study led by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and funded by the National Institute on Aging, while many physical activities like playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing, and walking for exercise provided cardiovascular benefits for seniors, only one physical activity offered protection against dementia: that was frequent dancing. At GoldenAge we currently provide residents with extensive recreational facilities. These include tennis courts, a fitness center, and lap pools in each senior apartment complex. However, we have no dance studio space at GoldenAge, nor any social dance programs.
Clearly, social dancing can prevent or delay the onset of dementia. Since the onset of dementia inevitably signals the imminent move of residents from our independent living apartments to the more heavily staffed and therefore more costly to operate assisted living quarters, we recommend the establishment of social dance programs at all GoldenAge senior residences—as a cost-effective, positive way to ward off dementia and enable our residents to remain in their independent living quarters."
Respond by writing an essay in which you discuss the specific evidence you would need to judge the validity of the argument and explain how this evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
We all know that aging is inevitable and it comes with the whole package which includes multiple ailments (although usually not together!) and one of the plethora of ailments due to aging is the onset of dementia. Dementia is a neurological degeneration of the memory power of our brains and it affects the long-term or the short-term memory areas of our brain. The author writes that the GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors has become aware about a therapy to avoid dementia - if not, then at least ameliorate the number of cases of dementia.
While this news may provide an ephemeral joy to the readers, it seems to me that it most certainly won't. Physical activities like jogging, playing golf, swimming, or playing badminton is surely beneficial for the health of our heart, muscles, and bones for all ages alike, but there is no concrete reason given, as to why must a reader believe that dancing "clearly" prevents the onset of dementia. Its not clear, its just obscure. There is also no espousal for other activities NOT helping in the prevention of dementia.
Secondly, the author cites that this solution is the result of a 21 - year study done at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. For this, there is no references from the research paper and probably this information was provided because it could be a potential selling point.
GoldenAge states that the residents of their quarters have access to various amenities like tennis courts, a fitness center, and lap pools in each senior apartment complex but they do not have dance studio. Without sufficient evidence that dancing could actually help ward off dementia, the sanction committee would have some reservations about the proposal, that they need a dance studio built under the pretext of dance being a preventive measure for dementia
Talking about selling, from the statement cited by the author, it seems that GoldenAge is more worried about losing the elderly people from their facilities to the more prominent and bigger homes. They blatantly state that the onset of dementia causes an outflow of old people to heavily staffed and more expensive living quarters, which may look as a concern expressed for their customers but it could be that they just mean business - by adding a social dance program, they would require choreographers or dance teachers, and would have to pay them so they would probably increase the living cost of their residencies, which definitely doesn't speak of being "cost effective".
I agree to the fact that dancing promotes positiveness and fitness among everyone and also, is a lot of fun but the lack of information regarding the connection between dancing and prevention on the onset of dementia doesn't make it appealing for the establishment of social dance programs or building of a dance studio.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 138, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: And
...ailments although usually not together! and one of the plethora of ailments due to ...
^^^
Line 5, column 141, Rule ID: THERE_S_MANY[4]
Message: Did you mean 'there are no references'?
Suggestion: there are no references
...Einstein College of Medicine. For this, there is no references from the research paper and probably th...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 639, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... of their residencies, which definitely doesnt speak of being 'cost effective&apo...
^^^^^^
Line 11, column 218, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...and prevention on the onset of dementia doesnt make it appealing for the establishment...
^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'also', 'but', 'if', 'look', 'may', 'regarding', 'second', 'secondly', 'so', 'then', 'while', 'as to', 'at least', 'talking about']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.268199233716 0.25644967241 105% => OK
Verbs: 0.134099616858 0.15541462614 86% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0555555555556 0.0836205057962 66% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0536398467433 0.0520304965353 103% => OK
Pronouns: 0.051724137931 0.0272364105082 190% => Less pronouns wanted. Try not to use 'you, I, they, he...' as the subject of a sentence
Prepositions: 0.137931034483 0.125424944231 110% => OK
Participles: 0.0459770114943 0.0416121511921 110% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.76021859303 2.79052419416 99% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0191570881226 0.026700313972 72% => OK
Particles: 0.00191570881226 0.001811407834 106% => OK
Determiners: 0.109195402299 0.113004496875 97% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0191570881226 0.0255425247493 75% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.00766283524904 0.0127820249294 60% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2864.0 2731.13054187 105% => OK
No of words: 473.0 446.07635468 106% => OK
Chars per words: 6.05496828753 6.12365571057 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66353547975 4.57801047555 102% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.369978858351 0.378187486979 98% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.287526427061 0.287650121315 100% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.207188160677 0.208842608468 99% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.126849894292 0.135150697306 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76021859303 2.79052419416 99% => OK
Unique words: 258.0 207.018472906 125% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.545454545455 0.469332199767 116% => OK
Word variations: 65.6154642604 52.1807786196 126% => OK
How many sentences: 14.0 20.039408867 70% => OK
Sentence length: 33.7857142857 23.2022227129 146% => OK
Sentence length SD: 134.672183241 57.7814097925 233% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 204.571428571 141.986410481 144% => OK
Words per sentence: 33.7857142857 23.2022227129 146% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.07142857143 0.724660767414 148% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.14285714286 117% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 3.58251231527 112% => OK
Readability: 62.5383569918 51.9672348444 120% => OK
Elegance: 1.888 1.8405768891 103% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.477432694977 0.441005458295 108% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.118738440265 0.135418324435 88% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0836760722448 0.0829849096947 101% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.640300949617 0.58762219726 109% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.191804519703 0.147661913831 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.214037197308 0.193483328276 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.110265233937 0.0970749176394 114% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.324957879795 0.42659136922 76% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0788290975974 0.0774707102158 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.29692415244 0.312017818177 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0852654521485 0.0698173142475 122% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.33743842365 72% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.87684729064 58% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.82512315271 83% => OK
Positive topic words: 4.0 6.46551724138 62% => OK
Negative topic words: 3.0 5.36822660099 56% => OK
Neutral topic words: 2.0 2.82389162562 71% => OK
Total topic words: 9.0 14.657635468 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.