The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe."A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles aw

Essay topics:

The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

In this application, a group of developers recommend to set up a new jazz club in Monore. To support their claim, they cites that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. Additionally, a series of evidence are presented to prove the jazz's popularity in local resident. Furthermore, a nationwide study is quoted to indicate that there exists a mass of jazz fans to spend huge money on jazz entertainment per year. While the developers' conclusion seems convincing at glimpse, a closer scrutiny reveal that such conclusion lacks crucial evidence and we need more evidence to evaluate the validity of their recommendation.

To start off, we need more evidence to prove whether such new club could easily attract all customers in local. While this application shows that the nearest jazz club is still 65 miles away, no evidence serves to rule out the probability that people from Monore still prefer to there in the face of new club open in downtown. Thus, additional evidence would gain great significance to determine whether the outside old club owns several advantages that overshadow the distance disadvantage, such as an agreeable environment, advanced equipment and more support from famous jazz musician. If new evidence shows that the old club outstrips the new one in many respects, it's suitable for us to believe that people are still inclined to go outside, rather than to choose the downtown location, and therefore the developers' viewpoint would be weakened. On the contrary, if new evidence reveal the opposite situation, the developers' recommendation would be lend great support to.

Moreover, more evidence is required to ascertain whether the jazz is extremely popular in Monore. Firstly, while the number of people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer is astonishing at first glance, accurate attendance figure from local residents gains more importance to verify whether such local popularity is actually tenable. In case that majority of attendance proves to come from out-comers, the enthusiasm from local residents could be in great doubt and the recommendation from developers might be rendered futile. Second, we have to ask the reason why jazz musicians choose to live in Monroe and whether their residence benefits local jazz popularity. If evidence show that they stay in Monore for an agreeable environment or cheaper house price, or that they choose Monore for their life after retirement, which leads to their alienation with jazz, we're unconvinced of their contribution to popularity of jazz in local. Third, the evaluation of developers' recommendation relies greatly on the competence of 'Jazz Nightly' not only during weeknight, but also on weekends. Therefore, if new evidence discloses that such radio program has absolutely dominance regardless of time duration and its opponents, we're disposed to believe that jazz is really popular in Monore.

Finally, despite the presence of all previous evidence, an more accurate evaluation of developers' suggestion need additional information. Specific evidence is needed to evaluate wether the nationwide survey could apply for the local situation in Monore as well; that is to say, whether there exists a mass of population who are willing to spend money on jazz entertainment. If the answer is positive, the recommendation from developers would gain more weights. Otherwise, if people tend to spend more time on jazz CD, concert and other forms of jazz entertainment than they do to jazz club, we would cast doubt for the high profitability of new club and their recommendation of course lose a solid ground.

To sum up, the evidence cited by developers are actually insufficient to make their statement incontrovertible. As a result, we need more evidence to better evaluate their conclusion.

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Average: 6.6 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 120, Rule ID: NON3PRS_VERB[2]
Message: The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: 'cite'
Suggestion: cite
...in Monore. To support their claim, they cites that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles ...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 423, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
... jazz entertainment per year. While the developers conclusion seems convincing at glimpse,...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 810, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
...he downtown location, and therefore the developers viewpoint would be weakened. On the con...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 918, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
...ence reveal the opposite situation, the developers recommendation would be lend great supp...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1034, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tion relies greatly on the competence of Jazz Nightly not only during weeknight, ...
^^
Line 13, column 57, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
... the presence of all previous evidence, an more accurate evaluation of developers ...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, if, moreover, really, second, so, still, therefore, third, thus, well, while, of course, such as, as a result, on the contrary, to sum up, that is to say

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 28.8173652695 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 92.0 55.5748502994 166% => OK
Nominalization: 51.0 16.3942115768 311% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3197.0 2260.96107784 141% => OK
No of words: 603.0 441.139720559 137% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.30182421227 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.9554069778 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.96373893538 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 286.0 204.123752495 140% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.474295190713 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 1025.1 705.55239521 145% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 10.0 2.70958083832 369% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.7881689653 57.8364921388 114% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.0 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.2173913043 23.324526521 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.21739130435 5.70786347227 161% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 8.20758483034 219% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.247417867393 0.218282227539 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0854573872058 0.0743258471296 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0599430901822 0.0701772020484 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.15111771018 0.128457276422 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0713689651857 0.0628817314937 113% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.6 14.3799401198 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 36.63 48.3550499002 76% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 12.197005988 120% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.76 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.78 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 147.0 98.500998004 149% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Write the essay in 30 minutes.

Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Improvement points:
1, Nominalization - resort to paraphrase to verb or simple sentence.
2, Negative statement has been added more
3, Pronoun has been decreased