The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians’ own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, we predict that our new jazz music club in Monroe will be a tremendously profitable enterprise."
The argument is about the creation of a new jazz music club in Monroe which is considered tremendously profitable for the city by the author. For this subject, the author brings some evidence to justify his argument.
It is said that more than 100000 people have participated in the jazz festival the last summer. The author has to consider that this is not a commonplace festival as it is not held every week or month. It is held annually at a specific time and on a public holiday. How does he know that all people participating belong to Monroe city? It is possible that some of the participants were tourists or people who did not live in Monroe. We also have to know how the author has provided this statistical figure about the number of people. This figure based on what method has been brought. How has this census been done? How the author can ensure that each summer the same number of people will participate in this type of festival, and their number will not decrease? According to the time the number of people may decrease or increase, and this situation is not stable. Also, for the festival, some costs are considered. How does the author know that the income from the festival, compensate the costs spent?
The jazz program is broadcast every weeknight when people are on the rest. How the author can ensure that even during the week people tend to listen to such a program after a tiring day? In addition to this, there is no clear statistical figure about the fans of the jazz program.
Also, it is said that the fans spend annually close to $1000 on jazz entertainment that is considered high by the author. How has this figure been calculated? How does the author know this figure is profitable? How can the author ensure that this figure will remain stable and will not decrease?
To summarize, in my view, for the creation of a jazz club, all factors mentioned above should be checked, and all questions have to be answered.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 348 350
No. of Characters: 1562 1500
No. of Different Words: 150 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.319 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.489 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.36 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 105 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 55 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 46 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.818 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.05 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.273 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.127 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 357, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...ong to Monroe city? It is possible that some of the participants were tourists or people wh...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 210, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... author know this figure is profitable? How can the author ensure that this figure ...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, if, may, so, as to, in addition, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 38.0 55.5748502994 68% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1610.0 2260.96107784 71% => OK
No of words: 348.0 441.139720559 79% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.62643678161 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.31911543099 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45919768557 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 157.0 204.123752495 77% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.451149425287 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 500.4 705.55239521 71% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 22.8473053892 66% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 32.6084015438 57.8364921388 56% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 73.1818181818 119.503703932 61% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.8181818182 23.324526521 68% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.22727272727 5.70786347227 39% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.130783662311 0.218282227539 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0449188345875 0.0743258471296 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0482714918253 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0824384711379 0.128457276422 64% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0326572775896 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 8.3 14.3799401198 58% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 73.17 48.3550499002 151% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 6.8 12.197005988 56% => Flesch kincaid grade is low.
coleman_liau_index: 9.28 12.5979740519 74% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.83 8.32208582834 82% => OK
difficult_words: 54.0 98.500998004 55% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 11.1389221557 72% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.